Old.

It's weird getting old.  It happens.  We all know it.  And while maybe we aren't exactly considered "mid-life" or anything that gets a truly "old" title, we are quickly approaching it.

Here's how I know...

I am 28 years old.  (I actually couldn't remember how old I was before I typed that...I had to count back the years on my fingers.  Technically that's clue number 1, but let's not start there.)  On the inside, I still feel like I'm in high school.  I have a lot of my same high school friends, my husband and I dated in high school, sure we moved towns (states actually); but aside from that, not much has changed...I mean besides living on our own, graduating college, working full time, having a child, etc.  But really who's counting.  Let me stay on track...  Our old high school recently won the State Championship football game.  We streamed it in on our iPhones.  I feel like it was just yesterday when we were seniors cheering on the sidelines watching Josh and all our boys shoot for the championship game. It wasn't yesterday though, actually it was TEN YEARS ago. I didn't even know most of the boys on that winning team this year. That is reason number one I know I'm old.

The second way I know I'm old, some kids I used to babysit for are getting MARRIED. Seriously?! Married. Wow!

Number three...I get up early in the mornings when the house is quiet so I can have time to drink coffee, watch the news, and gear up for the day.  The young Anne Claire used to pride herself on her ability to roll out of bed ten minutes before time to walk out the door and still look semi-decent.

The fourth reason is the best reason of all though.  All of our friends (and ourselves included) are having/have recently had kids.  That's actually how old these "old feelings" got stirred up tonight.  Tomorrow is a HUGE day for a couple of our best friends.  They are having their first baby...a sweet little girl...and Josh and I could not be more excited for them.  A lot of our friends have had babies recently, it's a little different this go 'round though.  Kyle and Krisha got married exactly one year before us.  They didn't have a typical first couple of years of marriage, but they handled each situation with wisdom, strength, and absolute trust in God. Just talking to them it becomes evident that each of those situations prepared them for where they are now, it molded them into these perfectly prepared parents who are going to bring precious baby Daley up with these same strong morals and values deeply rooted in faith.  As I think about Daley's arrival tomorrow, I can't help but think of what a lucky little girl she is to be getting parents like she is getting.  I know tomorrow will be one of the biggest days of their lives, but I know without a doubt that they will handle it with the same grace and gratefulness that they have every other thing in life.
Good luck tomorrow, Uncle Kyle and Aunt Krisha! We are so excited for ya'll, we love ya'll, and we cannot wait to come meet sweet baby Daley one day soon!!

DISCLAIMER: I don't really consider mid-life to be "old". Don't take offense if this is your age group. Anyway, old is wiser, right?

Time Flies...

It's almost been a year.  I really can't believe it.  We are only a few weeks shy of the one year mark since our sweet baby boy made his arrival into this world.  My oh my how we have grown in this year.  We have learned so much already!

I will admit it...I was once one of those "I'm not a parent, but I could do it better than you if I were" non-parents. Dumb, dumb, DUMB!  As a young, dumb non-parent I would frequently roll my eyes at the screaming children in WalMart as I silently vowed that my own little preciousness would never be allowed to act like that in public.  Fast forward to today...Tyson had a complete screaming melt down in WalMart one day because we wouldn't let him drink as much sweet tea as he wanted from our cups.  I had two choices...give him the tea or let him scream.  WalMart seemed like a loud enough place that night...his crys couldn't have been that noticeable.  That point brings me to another dumb thought process I have had in my past life.  My naive, childless self once swore she would never give her young child such terrible things as sweet tea.  I would be lying if I said you would never find a sippy cup lying around here filled with sweet tea and cut with water.  The kid's got to be allowed to live a little I've decided...plus he really likes it.  This one though, this one is my favorite all time 'I will nevers'.  Our bed is for Mom and Dad ONLY--no babies in our bed!  HAHAHA.  Last night Tyson barely made a peep as he rolled over in his bed down the hall...he did make one peep though, and that was all I needed to happily go scoop him up and bring him back to our bed to snuggle. One day I'll probably regret that habit I'm starting...but not today!

Here are just a few other things I have learned in these recent months of living with a child...

1. Don't rush things.  Good things come to those who wait.  We could not wait for Tyson to get here.  Then when he got here, we couldn't wait for him to get out of the nursery and off the billi lights...seriously could not wait.  Let me tell you, that was a tough one on an already emotional new mama.  Everyone who saw me during that point in our lives probably thinks that I am more than a little crazy based on the amount of time I spent crying over my perfectly healthy baby sleeping contently in the nursery under the billi lights with the careful eye of wonderful nurses always on him.  Looking back, I was more than a little crazy at that point, but I was hormonal..what can I say.  (You should have seen me one of our first nights at home when I cried after giving him a bath because I thought I gave him hypothermia...in August!).

2. They don't stay little long.  It's hard for me to think back and remember this tiny baby (ok he never really was all that tiny, but you know where I'm going with this) who couldn't say anything and, for all intents and purposes, couldn't do anything besides eat, sleep, and poop.  Now I have an incredibly active almost 1 year old who is WALKING and TALKING and making us laugh every day!

3. Boys will be boys.  When I was pregnant and when Tyson was first born I was pro breast feeding all the way ( and I still will recommend it to anyone who asks and is able).  When I wasn't able to nurse the way I had planned I thought everything was falling apart...I mean have you ever read any blogs or even random Facebook posts about formula feeding moms?  Don't if you haven't...people can be very educated yet still very under informed...keep that in mind and take nothing to heart.  Anyway, that's not the point of this one.  I have breast fed, finger fed, bottle fed, agonized over all of it, and now he eats dog food, dirt, and anything else he can find on the floor.  He likes to jump up and down in his bed...even after he's slammed his chin on the rail and sent his teeth into his lip hard enough to bruise it inside and out.  He won't go around his train if he wants something on the other side of it, he will lean over so far that sometimes he flips over onto the other side of it.  He knows how he is suppose to get off the couch safely, but most of the time he prefers to try and lodge himself off the edge head first.  He loves for his daddy to throw him in the air and a couple feet across the pool to Mommy.  He's a boy.  He loves dirt, and trucks, and making noise, and eating things, and doing anything else he's not suppose to.  I might as well embrace it...this is just the first year of many that involve dirt and noise I suppose.

4. Sometimes even the best of us have bad hair days.  This one mainly applies to me!  It is HARD to get dressed with a baby crawling around, wanting to be held, wanting to be fed, wanting you to do anything but get dressed and look decent.  It's also hard to get up and get dressed working on little to no sleep.  Sometimes I feel like a science experiment trying to determine just how little sleep a human can survive on.  I have deduced that after about 3 nights of only sleeping about 4-5 hours I start to get a little cranky...naps are our friends...as are early bedtimes.

5. We don't like sand.  Ok we already knew that one.  Love the ocean...hate the sand.  It's tragic seeing that you can't very well enjoy the ocean without having to deal with the stinking sand which gets everywhere and is HOT!!

6. But snacks make everything better.  Duh. We already knew that one too!

7. And sometimes you just have to cut your losses and take a bath.  Baths make everything better, and this baby loves the water...and he loves attention!  Taking a bath in the middle of a kitchen full of people who were all looking at him was hog heaven in Tyson's book!

Bottom line is that this year has been the biggest, most blessed, most exhausting, most fulfilling, absolute best year of our lives.  The biggest thing I have realized in these short 11 months is that everything has a season.  Some days when Tyson's being extra fussy or clingy I just have to remind myself that this is just for a season.  He won't always want me to hold him, he won't always want to be with me every where I go, he won't always cry for me when I leave the room, and, as overwhelming as it can be sometimes when supper needs to be cooked or I have a paper that has to be written, I know there will come a day when this season is over and I will undoubtedly miss it.  I will never be as wanted  as I am in this season, and I am doing everything I can to enjoy it and savor it so that when this season passes me by I won't regret anything.  There's a season for exhaustion..it won't be like this forever.  I won't always be in school and up all night studying because I can't bare to do it while Tyson's awake and wanting to play.  Tyson won't always wake up in the middle of the night just because he wants to get in bed with us (or vice versa), and for now I enjoy the middle of the night snuggles.

Of course we have our days when I feel frustrated and overwhelmed...everybody does.  But there is honestly nothing I would change about this crazy, fast paced, life we have as a family of 3.  We aren't perfect, and we don't claim to be.  We are happy, we work hard, we love our baby with everything we have, and we are just trying to achieve and maintain the best life for us.  No matter how crazy things can get with work and school and life in general, everything stops and everything's ok the second I walk through my front door and see my two boys...my whole world is right where it should be.

We look forward to the completion of this first year, we look forward to many more years to come.  We can't wait to watch Tyson grow and learn and turn into the little boy and then man he is destined to be.  We hope to teach him to be happy with life, to be kind to everybody but stand up for himself when warranted, to work hard for what he wants, and just be the best person he can be.

Here's to coming close to completing one chapter, and here's to many, many more.

Now, I'm off to re-read an old blog post to remind myself of the letter I once wrote Tyson where I promised not to put him in a bubble.  Yeah, that gets harder and harder every day.  Sheesh...I can't help he's just too cute for words!!

I've never tried to post videos before, so I am not positive that these will work.  Worth a shot though!!  The first one was in late June...Tyson walking for the first time!  The second one is Tyson saying "Tyson"!!

Reflections

For the first time in three semesters, I had a semester filled with doubt. This semester was, by far, the hardest thing I have ever done. There were many, many days when I wanted to throw in the towel and just give up. I knew my family deserved more though because we have all worked so hard for this, and I knew I desperately wanted so much more. So I stuck with it, put in the hours, gave up sleep, gained numerous ulcers, and did what I had to do to make it through. Even through the determination there were days where I didn't know how I would make it no matter how hard I tried.
Grad school is no joke. Grad school with a husband in school full time is hard, grad school with a 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 month old at home is hard, grad school while working a full time job is hard, grad school while covering extra call all semester is hard. Survival is sweet though. Something happens when you survive something like that. You forget how hard the past five months have been, the tears and stress become harder to remember as the relief of getting through the obstacles takes over. The promise of all the new experiences and learning opportunities clinicals will bring next semester bring feelings of excitement when looking forward to next semester...not dread of losing summer.

That being said and as excited for clinicals as I may be, I am in no hurry to rush this summer that I have to spend relatively study-free with my boys! We have big plans to play in the pool as much as possible, make a beach trip for Josh's birthday, and watch Mississippi-style fireworks!!
Summer isn't the only exciting thing happening over here...the light at the end of Josh's school tunnel is so bright we can almost see the train!! He has a new job that he is loving so far, and after he takes a couple online classes this summer, he will have ONE semester standing between him and graduation. I honestly could not be prouder of him. A self-professed "not the school type" has gone back as adult, by his own free will, and excelled at every aspect of his curriculum. It hasn't been easy, and I know he's had days where he would rather just quit and take the easy road of going back to his trade...but he's stuck with it through the hard days for himself and his family.

Absolutely none of this would have been possible without God's perfect timing and ultimate guidance. We have thrown ourselves into our faith and trusted in His will and plan for us. We hold onto that faith as we look towards our future and where He will lead us. Walk by faith, not by sight...even through the bad days and tough situations, He had a greater plan.

On my first ever Mother's Day, I can't help but to look at all my gifts and rejoice. In an attempt not to be too sick to your stomach mushy,  my husband really is amazing and a blessing that I honestly do not deserve. I may make sure he's fed and up on time and has clean clothes, but he does so much more for me than I could ever reciprocate. He keeps me grounded; keeps me sane; he helps me hold it together when I'm falling apart at the seams; and when those seams bust open, he's there to help me pick up the pieces. He may know how to push every button I have and drive me completely up the wall some days, but he is also exactly what I need every day and for that I am eternally grateful. And then I look at my perfect little (almost) 9 month old little boy who is so beautiful, smart, and loving. In these short 9 months, he has taught what true love is all about and motivates me everyday to be a better person, a better wife, and a better mom. I sit at the crossroads of holding onto this exact moment in time and looking to the future with excited anticipation of what he will be like as he grows up.

My cup runneth over. Tonight is one of reflection, and I have been blessed.

Incoherencies (the fact that this isn't even a word really says it all)

It's kind of late, and I am pretty tired.  This will have to be a quick one.  Read: not too funny, not too long, probably no super cute pictures. :( I know...you can go ahead and X out now if you feel the need.

Anywhoo...we have started a new way of life.  This would be the infant/grad school/back to work full time life.  I know, I know...big sigh and lots of tears.  Been through it.  Still going through it.  Blah.  People have to work.  Bottom line.  This is what I tell myself every morning when the alarm goes off (I also tell myself, didn't I just go to bed 15 minutes ago..my hair is still damp from the shower I had just before bed).  It is a very new, very strange schedule for us that one day I'm sure we will adapt to and embrace.  I am making compromises to make it work the best I can...things like coffee first thing in the morning and waking up a few minutes early so that I can spend some quality time with my sweet baby without having to bundle him up and rush out the door help things.

It has only been two days, but this is kind of how our schedule works...so far...
I get up by 5 in the morning.  If I have Tyson's day clothes already packed, my lunch already ready, clothes for me laid out, and the coffee pot geared up, it only takes me 15 minutes tops to be ready to walk out the door.  Kinda sad...kinda awesome.  I am still on the fence over this point.  By 5:15 if Tyson's not up, I wake him up.  He gets up usually by 5:30 most days, but I need that extra 15 minutes to feed him if we want to walk out the door in time.  So he eats, I drink coffee, we watch the news, and we have a little morning chat.  I try to get him to play with me a little, but most mornings he just wants to go back to sleep after he eats...he is his mother's child.  So we say bye to Daddy, get out the house, go to the sitter, and I try to pry myself away from him....ok it's only day two, this will get better.  Right?! He's just too cute and sweet to leave!
Work. All. Day. Long.  Never knew how long an 8 hour day was until now, but thank goodness I am lucky enough to only work 8 hours.  I don't know what I would do if I couldn't see that baby by 3!
Once I get home in the afternoon it is super nice because we have quality family time.  Josh is generally done with most of his homework by then.  Tyson has napped and eaten and is ready to play.  And I am so ready to unwind and be with my two boys.  We haven't worked out the exact schematics of my studying and cooking supper just yet...it has only been two days.  Monday Tyson sat in his high chair, and we talked while I cooked...but supper that night consisted of pigs in a blanket and cut corn so it didn't take much effort or time on my part.  Tonight I had a test, so he played on his mat while I read my review to him.  We have to solidify how we will handle things like this as time goes on...right now all I can concentrate on is snuggling him and telling him how much I missed him all day!!
Today his sitter said he took much better naps, and they said their ABC's and counted.  I've been reading pharmacotherapeutic notes to him about drug treatment options for things like constipation and mood disorders...I completely forgot that we had never been over the basics like his ABC's!!  Thank goodness for her!!  She is amazing, she loves Tyson, we love her, and I am getting slightly more comfortable with the whole leaving him all day thing...slightly.  Monday I called her 3 times in 8 (actually 6 because I got to go in late) hours.  Today I only called once.  I probably will always have to call on my lunch break.  I want to call every hour of the day though, so I feel as if I am compromising!

Besides going back to work and leaving my two sweet boys all day and dealing with all the emotions surrounding that, the day before my big work return was my birthday.  27!  Best one yet if you ask me. Look at what all I have!!  I did not want a thing for my birthday...everything I want is this room with me right now (one snoring right next to me, the other grunting in his sleep in his sleeper).  Despite my insistence for no gifts, Josh was very upset about the recent demise of my coveted laptop.  Truth be told, I am in the middle of grad school, that lap top was NEEDED.  I was making it though using the big desktop though and doing what I had to to get by.  Long story short...I am sitting in bed typing this blog on my NEW MACBOOK PRO!!!  LOVE IT!!  Such a huge upgrade from my ancient, on its last leg, halfway dead one.  I can't wait until I actually have time to play with it and see what all it can do.  I would upload you some super cute pics of Tyson and his 'first day at the sitter' sign, his two month pics, etc, etc, etc....but I can't quite figure out how to move all my pictures over yet...and with this big test looming over head, I haven't really had time.  Have no fear, I will figure it out soon!

OK..boring tonight I know.  Sorry for the lack of humor (not that any of my posts are saturated in it).  I am not even sure if all of this is coherent.  Here's to hoping you can make sense of this...and that my hair is slightly drier in the morning!!

Sheesh!

It was all going so well last night. Too well..

Lately I have been thinking about it, and I have been so proud of myself for being able to get things done around here with a newborn.
Umm excuse me...I didn't realize until yesterday when Tyson was having his second trial run at the sitter's (and I wasn't an emotional wreck watching the clock the WHOLE time) that I have actually been getting nothing done these past few weeks! Nothing measurable at least. In the 3 hours Tyson was at the sitter's I was able to finish and submit two school assignments, clean the house, fix lunch, and eat. These things generaly take me an entire day to accomplish, and they don't all get done in the same day. But what I am accomplishing all day..although nothing outwardly observable...is so much more important. Rocking a sleeping baby, watching him learn to interact with different things, gaining his trust, and learning his needs and wants is so much more rewarding than the million things I can get done when he's at the sitter's or visiting family or where he may be. I have no job that is more important or more rewarding than being Josh's wife and Tyson's mom!

Fast forward to later last night...
I have cooked this delicious dinner that I actually created (and if you know my cooking skills this is big), the house is clean, the baby was playing happily and is now quietly napping...I have time for a shower before our bedtime routine needs to start! Score!!
Just as I'm thinking what a lovely day/night it has been...BOOM! Tyson wakes up as I'm drying off and decides he's hungry NOW. Josh has done something to his toe, is bleeding profusely, "almost passed out", and would probably benefit from some steri-strips at the very least...oh and he needs someone to clean up his blood. Tyson is screaming at the top of his lungs as I try to put on his pajamas that he is quickly out growing (the size says 3 months, you are 8 weeks, these must fit!). Then I notice the dog has eaten another diaper. Oh yes I said another. He ate one a week and a half ago, and I have been painstakingly monitoring him and his stools for the past ten days. Fun! I holler at Josh about the dog's latest culinary delight, and he ventures out of the bathroom to see...tracking blood everywhere he goes. Tyson is still screaming as I try to quickly fix his bottle (not easily or quickly done with a screaming infant in your arms). Josh decides Beaux needs to
vomit. "No, I don't think it would be a good idea to stick your fingers down the dog's throat". Finally Google leads him to hydrogen peroxide. I try to help him measure peroxide into the turkey basting syringe as I mix the bottle. Poor screaming baby..that paci just ain't cutting it. Finally the bottle's ready. Josh gives Beaux the vomit inducing concoction. We finally all sit down quietly in the living room. Then the concoction works, and Josh and Beaux make a beeline for the front door. Tyson is content and eating away, and Beaux is in the front yard regurgitating a diaper. Sorry neighbors! This went on for almost ten minutes. Finally he seems done. Tyson has been fed, changed, swaddled, rocked, sang to, and is sleeping peacefully in his rock-N-play. The dog is passed out in his bed probably in fear of vomitting again. Josh's toe has now been bandaged, and he's sleeping quietly.ehh snoring a little but whatever. And I'm laying here thinking about that perfect day we had today and how it got so much better because life got thrown into the mix!!
AND the fact that I may need a stiff drink..it's never too late for a tottie right?!

I'm finally holding what I've been hoping for...

Well it's been 6 weeks!

Six-incredibly short-I don't know where the time has gone-please time slow down-weeks.
My sweet boy is growing and changing every day which is kind of bittersweet!

We have learned and grown so much these past few weeks as a family of 3. Just this past week I realized that Tyson's a little more resilient that I have given him credit for. I was so anxious about his feedings, and when he needed to eat, and who could feed him, and how he should be fed, and how much he could eat. Now I realize that this is not the end of the world. He will eat when he's hungry, and he will tell me when that is. Currently he's working on his second bottle in as many hours, but baby boy was hungry. This mama is dieting, so I understand his cries of hunger..I won't deny him! Other times he goes longer than I think he should, but he's a big boy...he's not starving! I don't sit over people and watch them like a hawk while they are feeding him anymore...well I try really hard to make a conscious effort not to.  It's a bottle, he knows how to take it. I have kind of started to chill out...kind of!
And while we are talking about feeding...breast feeding. We tried; I failed...no judgement please. It was a super hard decision to stop, but it was the best decision for Tyson's health and (because of the fact that if I continued we would have had to exclusively pump) it was by far the best decision for my sanity. Being formula fed won't stop him from being whatever he wants to be in life, and I know he won't suffer any life-long repercussions because of this. It has been a guilt-ridden decision fueled by the fact that strangers at Subway and WalMart feel compelled to ask if he's breast or formula fed. I feel as if I owe them an explanation as to why we use formula, but I know I don't. I guess a tiny part of me feels the need to qualify it with an explanation. I don't mind telling anyone I know why it didn't work for us, but the stranger in front of me at the post office really doesn't need to know any more besides he's fed...well and often. I mean look at this belly, there's no doubt the boy eats...

For the past six week I have been living my life in 3 hour increments. I never knew how fast a day could fly by or how tough it may be just to run to the grocery store! Tyson is not bad at all to take to the grocery store or anywhere for that matter. The problem is timing it. Going run grocery shopping cannot be a spur of the moment decision like it used to be...it has to be a well planned out excursion at this point. Tyson will eat, I'll change his diaper, load him in the car, and head to the grocery store. At this point the clock is down to about two hours. In and out the car and the buggy with the infant carrier, get all our groceries (which always takes longer because we have to stop in the baby section just incase Tyson has to have that cute set of PJs he doesn't really need but they say 'My First Halloween' and I just can't pass them up), check out, get home, unload baby and groceries, and it's time to feed him again. It can be exhausting, but I love having him with us at every minute. This is what I have been waiting on..just the every day life moments where nothing special happens but we are living life as a family of three, going to the grocery store, going to grab a bite to eat; this is our new life that I have been anxiously waiting on.

My maternity leave is flying by!! I am having the hardest time coming to terms with having to go back to work soon, but at the same time I strangely look forward to it. It is the weirdest thing.
I LOVE my time at home with my little man. We have the best little routine down that includes quiet mornings over coffee (and a bottle for him) and study time throughout the day as he naps. I feel relaxed about school because I have plenty of time to complete all my assignments and do all my work. The hardest part about getting it all done is having to put this sweet baby down to type papers (I have mastered one handed typing, it just takes far longer). My house is always relatively clean, and I have plenty of time to cook supper and clean the kitchen every night without the stress of needing to rush to do everything so I can get some precious sleep. I could rock this stay at home mom job and love every single minute of it.
That's just not our reality though. Josh is in school full time, and I couldn't be more proud of him for making this incredibly scary step for the betterment of himself and our family. It is hard enough to survive on one income, but having at least one income is an absolute necessity so I do have to return to work. Most days just thinking about it fills me with this deep sense of dread.
It's not the fact of actually returning to work that's killing me though. For the most part I enjoy what I do. I am passionate about nursing and about my patients, and I enjoy the company of my coworkers. But man I love my baby. Even though we have a great sitter that we were lucky to find, I still hate the thought of leaving him all day especially the days that I don't know for sure exactly what time I'll be getting off work. Add on top of that, my leisurely study schedule and night time routine will fly out the window once I go back to work.
The part that does fuel me to go back to work is knowing that it means our baby is growing and reaching milestones. Soon he will be big enough to reach for me and laugh when I do something silly. Soon it will be Thanksgiving and Christmas, and our little family of three will be able to plan our holiday trips to Mississippi, put up a tree, fix a big meal, and just enjoy each other and our family. There are lots of great times to come, and in order for them to get here, time does have to go on and I do have to go back to work.

These past six weeks have been the best weeks of my life. I can't even imagine how much better and how much fuller my heart will get watching this precious boy grow. He wears me out and gives me the strength I need to get up and push through at the same time. I never knew how little sleep I could survive on, or how enraptured I could be by a 10.8lb baby boy, or how I wouldn't trade one middle of the night feeding for anything in the world. He is mine and his daddy's whole world, and we feel so lucky and grateful that God chose us to be Tyson's parents.

As the country song goes, "I'm finally holding what I've been hoping for"....

Tyson

Well it finally happened! At 7:16 on Tuesday morning of August 13th, we welcomed our beautiful 8lb 10oz baby boy into the world. Joshua Tyson Dugas, Jr...Tyson...he came into this world absolutely perfect!! We never would have guessed what we were in for when we started this whole process almost 4 weeks ago!

I'm sure everybody remembers the first failed induction on August 5th. Leaving the hospital that day with no baby and having to send all our family home was so super hard! That whole week was tough for me as I stayed home and struggled with whether or not we made the right decision by leaving the hospital that day. I knew we did though. It was too soon for a c-section, and I didn't want to do that unless we absolutely had to. So we waited. We went to the dr, and we all decided to try the induction again the following Monday, the 12th. By then Tyson would be past due. If the induction failed again Monday, we would stay the night and try again Tuesday. If it failed AGAIN then we would talk section.

So...we tried again. Monday came and went with no real progress in labor. A little more dilation, so much that we almost got excited, but it wasn't enough to have my water broken. Not everybody came back for this induction, and not everybody knew about it. Some family did come though, and it was nice having them here with us. Monday turned into a second failed induction, so we knew that Tuesday would be our day no matter what! Tuesday morning brought a lot of unanticipated excitement. At about 6:15 I woke Josh up, "Josh, Josh, I think my water just broke". He almost broke his neck jumping off the couch and running to get a nurse. We were excited to see progress and so was our nurse...until she came to check the "water breaking situation". Apparently my water didn't break, but there was lots of blood. Everything started moving fast. The nurses start talking emergency c-section and getting the dr in. I can see Josh slowly losing it next to me. He calls my family that is in town and gets them all on their way. My OB comes in and confirms that the baby is ok, but we need to get moving and get a section going now. 

Wow! So far with this whole laboring process nothing has gone according to my plan! My family ran in just as I was rolling out to go to the section room. I knew the baby was ok, so my only concern was making sure that Josh was ok because he can't really handle these situations. He ended up being ok (thanks mainly to Mrs. Monica for physically suiting him up and then our fabulous CRNA) and sat only semi-nervously by my head through the section. Having what's basically major abdominal surgery that you are wide awake during is the strangest feeling ever. I felt like it took forever...I know it didn't...but laying there just waiting to hear my baby cry and know that he was ok felt like an eternity. FINALLY, I heard him, and it like the world was finally right.  Seeing him for the first time was an indescribable experience. 

Rolling out of the section room, I was surprised to see all my family and close family friends in the hallway. They played the baby song, and we all cried. They brought the baby to me almost right away so that I could nurse and we could all bond. Throughout the day we had so many sweet visitors. People surprised us with their visits which we loved and were so sad when they had to go! Tons of people were in and out loving on our sweet baby boy.

Finally around 8pm things started settling down for us. Josh, Dad, and Sherry all headed out to get supper. Kay Kay and I were in the room spending quiet time with the baby. Then the pediatrician called. You know it's never good when you get a personal phone call at 8 at night. She started talking to me about bilirubin levels, ABO incompatibilities, bili lights, IV fluids...all things that even as a nurse I couldn't comprehend at the moment. As soon as I hung up the phone I burst into tears. I knew what she was telling me wasn't the end of the world. He was jaundice caused by a blood type incompatibility. His body was fighting off my red blood cells. He needed to be under the bili lights to help his body overcome the jaundice, and he needed IV fluids to help flush his system of the bilirubin. She said, "once we kick this he will be fine". But I was still freaked out. 

So they whisked my sweet baby off to the nursery only 12 hours after I had him. All I can say is thank goodness I was nursing. Every three hours the nursery would call, and Josh and I would head in to feed him. That was the only time we got to hold  him and be with him. Without that I would have really been dying. It was so hard for my family being in town and not being able to hold him or spend any real time with him. I never would have thought that Tyson would end up having to stay under the bili lights for five whole days. I never would have thought that I would be discharged before he was and that we would have to move into the family sleep room. I never would have known how grateful I would be for a family sleep room when the last thing in the world I could have dreamed of was having to leave my baby boy. 

I was a MESS those five days. The pediatrician probably thinks I am a total nut case because she just happened to walk in to our room one night when I was having a break down...a serious, ugly cry, break down. Looking back, I know now that I was such a wreck mainly because of crazy baby hormones. I knew that Tyson was perfectly fine and that we were truly lucky that his only issue was jaundice. I was just so incredibly upset that my sweet baby was away from me. I never changed his diaper, I wasn't with him when he cried, it was honestly killing me. Poor Josh is all I can say. He wanted me to be happy. Of course he wanted the baby with us too, but he knew he couldn't be and he knew he was getting better under the lights. I would lie in the hospital bed at night after everybody was gone and Josh was sleeping and look at all of Tyson's pictures on my phone and just cry. I lived by the clock and our 3 hour feeding schedule. I would just wait and long for the nursery to call me.

We had two saving graces that week. The first one was the fabulous nursery nurses. Tyson really had some great nurses taking care of him, they loved him, kept us informed, and really made sure we were all as happy and comfortable as possible with the whole situation. As hard as it was not having our baby with us, we knew he was in the most capable hands. Our other saving grace...Dad, Sherry, and Kay Kay. Thankfully, they were all able to spend a few days with us while we waited for the baby to come and then as we waited on him to get out of the nursery. I felt so bad that they were here and couldn't spend any time with Tyson, but it was so nice to have them with us during a tough time. They kept our minds occupied, kept us entertained, and visited with us in an uncomfortable hospital room all day every day. It meant so much to us. Eventually, Dad and Sherry did have to go back to work, but luckily we still had Kay Kay. We probably would not have survived without her! After Dad and Sherry left, Kay Kay was stuck at our house by herself. She kept it clean, made countless WalMart runs for us, came entertain us at the hospital everyday, brought us food, and cooked supper when we got to the point that we couldn't stomach one more fast food meal. Dad and Sherry tried hard to wait the baby out so they could get us settled in at home before they had to leave, but our sweet baby boy just wasn't ready yet! Thankfully we still had Kay Kay. She stayed with us the first few days he was home, she helped us settle into a routine, taught us how to give a sponge bath, cooked for us, made sure I rested enough, and she even got up in the night to help me with feedings. We were so sad to see her go!

So obviously, eventually Tyson did get to come home. The Sunday after he was born, he was finally discharged. We were so happy to have him home and so nervous at the same time. It's been three weeks now, and we are amazed every day at how much more we love him. He is truly the best baby ever (and we pray that this doesn't ever change). Right now he's eating every 3-4 hours and sometimes will even go 6 hour stretches at night. He sleeps most of the day and night which gives me time to study and do school work most days with no problem. Our biggest problem is that I want to hold him and snuggle all day long. He is happy as a little lark chilling and napping in his Rock-N-Play, but man I just want to get him out and love him all day!

I remember being so afraid in the weeks before he came. I was worried what would happen to me and Josh once we added a baby to the mix. I didn't know if we would be able to handle it. Now, a little over 3 weeks later, we can't even remember what our old life was like. We can't remember life without Tyson here.

We're still learning over here of course. Tyson's peed on more surfaces of this house than I can count (my shirt and his own mouth included). He's a big grunter and will grunt while he's lightly sleeping most days. Some nights, especially after a day that had lots of visitors, he will have a little bit of a hard time going to sleep. His favorite song to sing while we rock is Johnny's Daddy Was Taking Him Fishing (not sure if that's the actual title). He would probably like Hush Little Baby, but I never can seem to remember the very last lyric and I have to google it mid-song every time! He's the first person who's ever worked himself up to the point of hysterics because he wanted me to sing to him so bad...smart baby knows mommy can sing no matter what anyone else thinks!

Sooo...let me start now with my take backs...one at a time is all the confessions I can handle for today, so here's the first one...

#1- I always said that never would I have a kid that slept in the bed with us. 

Wellllll...of course he's too little to be in our bed right now (and I as I type this he might or might not be laying on my chest in the bed, but I'm not sleeping so it doesn't quite count...right?), but once he's old enough and if he wants to sleep with us because he's scare or just misses us, I'm not sure I'll be able to tell him no. I mean I don't know if you have seen him or not, but he's just too cute and sweet to say no to!! ;)

Now back to loving on my sweet baby. We are so happy he's here!!