Old.

It's weird getting old.  It happens.  We all know it.  And while maybe we aren't exactly considered "mid-life" or anything that gets a truly "old" title, we are quickly approaching it.

Here's how I know...

I am 28 years old.  (I actually couldn't remember how old I was before I typed that...I had to count back the years on my fingers.  Technically that's clue number 1, but let's not start there.)  On the inside, I still feel like I'm in high school.  I have a lot of my same high school friends, my husband and I dated in high school, sure we moved towns (states actually); but aside from that, not much has changed...I mean besides living on our own, graduating college, working full time, having a child, etc.  But really who's counting.  Let me stay on track...  Our old high school recently won the State Championship football game.  We streamed it in on our iPhones.  I feel like it was just yesterday when we were seniors cheering on the sidelines watching Josh and all our boys shoot for the championship game. It wasn't yesterday though, actually it was TEN YEARS ago. I didn't even know most of the boys on that winning team this year. That is reason number one I know I'm old.

The second way I know I'm old, some kids I used to babysit for are getting MARRIED. Seriously?! Married. Wow!

Number three...I get up early in the mornings when the house is quiet so I can have time to drink coffee, watch the news, and gear up for the day.  The young Anne Claire used to pride herself on her ability to roll out of bed ten minutes before time to walk out the door and still look semi-decent.

The fourth reason is the best reason of all though.  All of our friends (and ourselves included) are having/have recently had kids.  That's actually how old these "old feelings" got stirred up tonight.  Tomorrow is a HUGE day for a couple of our best friends.  They are having their first baby...a sweet little girl...and Josh and I could not be more excited for them.  A lot of our friends have had babies recently, it's a little different this go 'round though.  Kyle and Krisha got married exactly one year before us.  They didn't have a typical first couple of years of marriage, but they handled each situation with wisdom, strength, and absolute trust in God. Just talking to them it becomes evident that each of those situations prepared them for where they are now, it molded them into these perfectly prepared parents who are going to bring precious baby Daley up with these same strong morals and values deeply rooted in faith.  As I think about Daley's arrival tomorrow, I can't help but think of what a lucky little girl she is to be getting parents like she is getting.  I know tomorrow will be one of the biggest days of their lives, but I know without a doubt that they will handle it with the same grace and gratefulness that they have every other thing in life.
Good luck tomorrow, Uncle Kyle and Aunt Krisha! We are so excited for ya'll, we love ya'll, and we cannot wait to come meet sweet baby Daley one day soon!!

DISCLAIMER: I don't really consider mid-life to be "old". Don't take offense if this is your age group. Anyway, old is wiser, right?

Time Flies...

It's almost been a year.  I really can't believe it.  We are only a few weeks shy of the one year mark since our sweet baby boy made his arrival into this world.  My oh my how we have grown in this year.  We have learned so much already!

I will admit it...I was once one of those "I'm not a parent, but I could do it better than you if I were" non-parents. Dumb, dumb, DUMB!  As a young, dumb non-parent I would frequently roll my eyes at the screaming children in WalMart as I silently vowed that my own little preciousness would never be allowed to act like that in public.  Fast forward to today...Tyson had a complete screaming melt down in WalMart one day because we wouldn't let him drink as much sweet tea as he wanted from our cups.  I had two choices...give him the tea or let him scream.  WalMart seemed like a loud enough place that night...his crys couldn't have been that noticeable.  That point brings me to another dumb thought process I have had in my past life.  My naive, childless self once swore she would never give her young child such terrible things as sweet tea.  I would be lying if I said you would never find a sippy cup lying around here filled with sweet tea and cut with water.  The kid's got to be allowed to live a little I've decided...plus he really likes it.  This one though, this one is my favorite all time 'I will nevers'.  Our bed is for Mom and Dad ONLY--no babies in our bed!  HAHAHA.  Last night Tyson barely made a peep as he rolled over in his bed down the hall...he did make one peep though, and that was all I needed to happily go scoop him up and bring him back to our bed to snuggle. One day I'll probably regret that habit I'm starting...but not today!

Here are just a few other things I have learned in these recent months of living with a child...

1. Don't rush things.  Good things come to those who wait.  We could not wait for Tyson to get here.  Then when he got here, we couldn't wait for him to get out of the nursery and off the billi lights...seriously could not wait.  Let me tell you, that was a tough one on an already emotional new mama.  Everyone who saw me during that point in our lives probably thinks that I am more than a little crazy based on the amount of time I spent crying over my perfectly healthy baby sleeping contently in the nursery under the billi lights with the careful eye of wonderful nurses always on him.  Looking back, I was more than a little crazy at that point, but I was hormonal..what can I say.  (You should have seen me one of our first nights at home when I cried after giving him a bath because I thought I gave him hypothermia...in August!).

2. They don't stay little long.  It's hard for me to think back and remember this tiny baby (ok he never really was all that tiny, but you know where I'm going with this) who couldn't say anything and, for all intents and purposes, couldn't do anything besides eat, sleep, and poop.  Now I have an incredibly active almost 1 year old who is WALKING and TALKING and making us laugh every day!

3. Boys will be boys.  When I was pregnant and when Tyson was first born I was pro breast feeding all the way ( and I still will recommend it to anyone who asks and is able).  When I wasn't able to nurse the way I had planned I thought everything was falling apart...I mean have you ever read any blogs or even random Facebook posts about formula feeding moms?  Don't if you haven't...people can be very educated yet still very under informed...keep that in mind and take nothing to heart.  Anyway, that's not the point of this one.  I have breast fed, finger fed, bottle fed, agonized over all of it, and now he eats dog food, dirt, and anything else he can find on the floor.  He likes to jump up and down in his bed...even after he's slammed his chin on the rail and sent his teeth into his lip hard enough to bruise it inside and out.  He won't go around his train if he wants something on the other side of it, he will lean over so far that sometimes he flips over onto the other side of it.  He knows how he is suppose to get off the couch safely, but most of the time he prefers to try and lodge himself off the edge head first.  He loves for his daddy to throw him in the air and a couple feet across the pool to Mommy.  He's a boy.  He loves dirt, and trucks, and making noise, and eating things, and doing anything else he's not suppose to.  I might as well embrace it...this is just the first year of many that involve dirt and noise I suppose.

4. Sometimes even the best of us have bad hair days.  This one mainly applies to me!  It is HARD to get dressed with a baby crawling around, wanting to be held, wanting to be fed, wanting you to do anything but get dressed and look decent.  It's also hard to get up and get dressed working on little to no sleep.  Sometimes I feel like a science experiment trying to determine just how little sleep a human can survive on.  I have deduced that after about 3 nights of only sleeping about 4-5 hours I start to get a little cranky...naps are our friends...as are early bedtimes.

5. We don't like sand.  Ok we already knew that one.  Love the ocean...hate the sand.  It's tragic seeing that you can't very well enjoy the ocean without having to deal with the stinking sand which gets everywhere and is HOT!!

6. But snacks make everything better.  Duh. We already knew that one too!

7. And sometimes you just have to cut your losses and take a bath.  Baths make everything better, and this baby loves the water...and he loves attention!  Taking a bath in the middle of a kitchen full of people who were all looking at him was hog heaven in Tyson's book!

Bottom line is that this year has been the biggest, most blessed, most exhausting, most fulfilling, absolute best year of our lives.  The biggest thing I have realized in these short 11 months is that everything has a season.  Some days when Tyson's being extra fussy or clingy I just have to remind myself that this is just for a season.  He won't always want me to hold him, he won't always want to be with me every where I go, he won't always cry for me when I leave the room, and, as overwhelming as it can be sometimes when supper needs to be cooked or I have a paper that has to be written, I know there will come a day when this season is over and I will undoubtedly miss it.  I will never be as wanted  as I am in this season, and I am doing everything I can to enjoy it and savor it so that when this season passes me by I won't regret anything.  There's a season for exhaustion..it won't be like this forever.  I won't always be in school and up all night studying because I can't bare to do it while Tyson's awake and wanting to play.  Tyson won't always wake up in the middle of the night just because he wants to get in bed with us (or vice versa), and for now I enjoy the middle of the night snuggles.

Of course we have our days when I feel frustrated and overwhelmed...everybody does.  But there is honestly nothing I would change about this crazy, fast paced, life we have as a family of 3.  We aren't perfect, and we don't claim to be.  We are happy, we work hard, we love our baby with everything we have, and we are just trying to achieve and maintain the best life for us.  No matter how crazy things can get with work and school and life in general, everything stops and everything's ok the second I walk through my front door and see my two boys...my whole world is right where it should be.

We look forward to the completion of this first year, we look forward to many more years to come.  We can't wait to watch Tyson grow and learn and turn into the little boy and then man he is destined to be.  We hope to teach him to be happy with life, to be kind to everybody but stand up for himself when warranted, to work hard for what he wants, and just be the best person he can be.

Here's to coming close to completing one chapter, and here's to many, many more.

Now, I'm off to re-read an old blog post to remind myself of the letter I once wrote Tyson where I promised not to put him in a bubble.  Yeah, that gets harder and harder every day.  Sheesh...I can't help he's just too cute for words!!

I've never tried to post videos before, so I am not positive that these will work.  Worth a shot though!!  The first one was in late June...Tyson walking for the first time!  The second one is Tyson saying "Tyson"!!

Reflections

For the first time in three semesters, I had a semester filled with doubt. This semester was, by far, the hardest thing I have ever done. There were many, many days when I wanted to throw in the towel and just give up. I knew my family deserved more though because we have all worked so hard for this, and I knew I desperately wanted so much more. So I stuck with it, put in the hours, gave up sleep, gained numerous ulcers, and did what I had to do to make it through. Even through the determination there were days where I didn't know how I would make it no matter how hard I tried.
Grad school is no joke. Grad school with a husband in school full time is hard, grad school with a 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 month old at home is hard, grad school while working a full time job is hard, grad school while covering extra call all semester is hard. Survival is sweet though. Something happens when you survive something like that. You forget how hard the past five months have been, the tears and stress become harder to remember as the relief of getting through the obstacles takes over. The promise of all the new experiences and learning opportunities clinicals will bring next semester bring feelings of excitement when looking forward to next semester...not dread of losing summer.

That being said and as excited for clinicals as I may be, I am in no hurry to rush this summer that I have to spend relatively study-free with my boys! We have big plans to play in the pool as much as possible, make a beach trip for Josh's birthday, and watch Mississippi-style fireworks!!
Summer isn't the only exciting thing happening over here...the light at the end of Josh's school tunnel is so bright we can almost see the train!! He has a new job that he is loving so far, and after he takes a couple online classes this summer, he will have ONE semester standing between him and graduation. I honestly could not be prouder of him. A self-professed "not the school type" has gone back as adult, by his own free will, and excelled at every aspect of his curriculum. It hasn't been easy, and I know he's had days where he would rather just quit and take the easy road of going back to his trade...but he's stuck with it through the hard days for himself and his family.

Absolutely none of this would have been possible without God's perfect timing and ultimate guidance. We have thrown ourselves into our faith and trusted in His will and plan for us. We hold onto that faith as we look towards our future and where He will lead us. Walk by faith, not by sight...even through the bad days and tough situations, He had a greater plan.

On my first ever Mother's Day, I can't help but to look at all my gifts and rejoice. In an attempt not to be too sick to your stomach mushy,  my husband really is amazing and a blessing that I honestly do not deserve. I may make sure he's fed and up on time and has clean clothes, but he does so much more for me than I could ever reciprocate. He keeps me grounded; keeps me sane; he helps me hold it together when I'm falling apart at the seams; and when those seams bust open, he's there to help me pick up the pieces. He may know how to push every button I have and drive me completely up the wall some days, but he is also exactly what I need every day and for that I am eternally grateful. And then I look at my perfect little (almost) 9 month old little boy who is so beautiful, smart, and loving. In these short 9 months, he has taught what true love is all about and motivates me everyday to be a better person, a better wife, and a better mom. I sit at the crossroads of holding onto this exact moment in time and looking to the future with excited anticipation of what he will be like as he grows up.

My cup runneth over. Tonight is one of reflection, and I have been blessed.