Sunday, June 12, 2011

God's grace

I have been slacking in the blog department. So much has gone on in the past few weeks since my last blog much has gone on even before my last blog entry that remained unsaid.  The sad thing about it all is that in all honesty I haven't been slacking.  I have actually been blogging a lot, and then saving them unpublished never to be seen by anyone else's eyes.  That's the thing with me and really is a love/hate relationship.  I love to blog.  I love the freedom of being able to actually put to words what I am feeling or what I am going through, but at the same time words can be taken out of context by readers.  Words can hurt people.  Words can seem like more than just words if written the wrong way, or read the wrong way for that matter.

Things have happened.  I have been sad, I have been hurt, I have cried, and I have learned.  And as I have learned over the past few weeks, it is oftentimes the unsaid that can hurt the most.

Over the past few years I have really learned how to deal with my emotions.  I know how to handle my pain and my heartache for the most part.  I know what helps me to relieve my tension.  Josh, my mom and dad, Jef, Mimi, and Kay Kay...these people generally know everything that is going on in my life.  If I am hurting, they are who I run to.  I don't typically let anyone else in.  That is how I handle things.

My life was really rocky a couple years ago.  I had all six of my confidants by my side (plus one really special Crazy) to talk to, to cry on their shoulders.  Other than that, no one else got in.  I was so close to everyone at work...they knew all of my problems.  They didn't know this.  I needed a place where I could where no one knew.  I needed a place where nobody treated me any differently, nobody handled me with kid gloves.  That is how I handle turmoil.  When I am at home, Josh and I will talk about it or I will call someone to vent.  At work I can act like life is fine.  To me it is sort of like forcing yourself to keep going because no one who doesn't know will cut you any slack.

Life always has it's ups and downs.  With new revelations and new feelings, I know that the next few weeks and months could get kind of hairy.  A lot of good can and will come of this, but it is the bad...the unknown...that scares me.

I guess that's where God's grace comes in.  I can promise you that God is always watching out for me.  As me and Josh were on the way home tonight from visiting friends we passed the church where we got married.  They had just put a new saying up on their billboard.
"Pray: Let God worry about everything else."

My friend, SalPal, is constant source of great advice as well.  Her famous saying is, "if you are going to pray why worry, if you are going to worry why pray".  As I drift off to sleep tonight and every night I will say an extra prayer.  God works in mysterious ways.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

It's been awhile

I have been on a hiatus.  A lot of emotions, a lot of feelings, a lot of living has been going on.  That's the thing about internet blogging, I want so badly to use it as the ultimate outlet to express my most private thoughts.  Sadly, such a public media is oftentimes not the right venue for this.  There are things that need to be said and aired out but such will wait for more appropriate timing...or never who knows!

Josh and I made our first journey as a married my dad's!  What a wonderful weekend.  The drive there...not so much.  The six hour drive started at 7:30 PM as I was getting off from working my EIGHTH day in a row.  Josh had my car packed and loaded with bags, snacks, and dogs when I pulled up...bless we were able to jump right on the open road.  I wanted to try to drive.  I made it to Canton.  That. Was. It.  After that I was out leaving poor Josh to have to manage the worse part of the lonely drive all on his own.  He made it, and we were able to sleep laaaate Friday morning to catch up.  We ate, visited, ate, shopped a little, ate, enjoyed the outdoors, ate....did I mention we ate A LOT?!  It was all in great fun, and we had a blast.  Very relaxing and a nice getaway from reality.

Now it is back to the daily grind.  I am suppose to be cleaning the house today, but blogging seemed so much more tempting.  We are having company in less than a week, so I really must get busy!!  After this company comes and goes, we will have more mom!!  Can't wait for La-La's arrival!  Then Josh and I will be Biloxi bound for a Baker-Smith wedding and an amazing 25th birthday all rolled into one weekend.  We can't wait!!

It's the many trips and visitors that keep us going.  I don't know what we will do once summer ends.  So for now, cleaning awaits...or whatever else I can find to do that will give me a good excuse not to have to clean!