It's been awhile since I have blogged. Sorry, life can kind of get in the way sometimes of what I would rather be doing. To make amends, I have some news to share and I'll share it here first. Ok well I did tell Josh already, and my parents, and my grandmothers, and every one at work, and everyone where I used to work, and a couple friends...let me rephrase that. I have some news to share, and I share it here fourty-seventh. Doesn't have quite the ummth I was looking for, but oh well let's just go with it.
These past two weeks have been filled with nervousness, anticipation, and spiritual growth. But all of this actually started way back in August. It was about three months ago when I decided that I am not really happy with where I am at work any more. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do. I love my patients and I love the people I work with. But I don't feel fulfilled with my work life. There are some days when I have to make really tough decisions and when I have to make judgement calls for the wellbeing of every one of my patients. But then again there are days when my patients really aren't all that sick and they don't really need me to do anything more for them besides give them their medications and make sure they aren't in pain. I had gotten to the point where I felt like I could do more, and I wanted to do something about it. Besides that I am not happy with my schedule. Working every other weekend is hard. Working every other holiday is harder. This year I have to work Christmas day. I am sad enough thinking about having to leave Josh on our first married Christmas, I cannot imagine having to leave small children at home.
So I started exploring my options, trying to figure out what interested me. I had a couple offers to go work in the ICU or to go work at the cancer center. I don't think the cancer center is where I want to be longterm. I would love ICU, but the schedule there is the same as what I have here. Finally, I decided that surgery may be the place for me. More advanced, better hours, it sounded perfect.
So I applied in August when a job opportunity became available. By September I met the new surgery nurse. Disappointment. But the job opportunity was never taken off the website. I talked a friend from the office into calling for me to see what was going on. There was still an opening but it wouldn't be for a while because they had to train the one they just hired first. Ok. Fine. I can wait.
So I waited and waited and kind of gave up. One day a few weeks ago I got phone call asking if I would like to go on an interview for the surgery position. Of course I said yes very enthusiastically. We played with interview days, and the only day that would work was my birthday. Maybe it would be good luck...who knows but stress and nerves ruled my birthday...I could hardly eat cake.
The interview came and went. I did my best but it was fast, and I was unsure of how I came across. I found out that three other people interviewed. Two of my friends from the same floor I work on and another person from within the hospital. I kind of lost hope.
The days between the phone call and the interview and then again between the interview and when we found out who was hired were so tough. I was stressed out. This was a completely new thing for me. I didn't know what to think. I prayed about it so much on a daily and sometimes two or three times a day basis. I don't know much about surgery and how the nursing process works down there. I don't know if it is for me. I don't know where I am suppose to be, but I knew I wanted something else. Finally, I just gave it to God. I asked God to take me where I was suppose to be. If I wasn't suppose to be in surgery then I didn't want the position I told Him. And I said if I don't get the position it will be ok, I'll just know surgery wasn't for meant for me. That will be my sign.
Well, I am a little ashamed to say, but I may not have been completely honest with God. I got my rejection email from surgery on Thursday saying someone else had been hired. The good news was that my good friend from the floor did get the job, and I was so happy for her. I was so happy for her, but at the same time I was so sad for me. I cried on the way home from work. Then I cried again when we were laying down for bed Thursday night. I was mad at myself for being so upset, but at the same time I was upset that I didn't the job. Bottom line, my feelings were hurt. I took it personally, and I shouldn't have.
It took me the entire weekend to cope with the rejection. I whined about it off and on whenever Josh and I were alone and I could really confide in him. It just hurt to be turned down like that. I had bounced back by Sunday though for the most part. I accepted the rejection, and I was really excited for my friend. I even went back to the old drawing board with my job hunt that night. Obviously surgery wasn't for me. That must be what God was telling me.
I looked around for quotes that comforted me and brought me hope. My favorite was "Understand, God has you exactly where He wants you. If you'll learn to be happy where you are, God will take you where you want to be. He's promised He will give you the desires of your hearts." I adopted it as my new motto and decided to live it. God has gotten more through so much so far, I know he won't let me down now. I just have to keep searching for where I am suppose to be.
Monday morning meant back to work. Busy day but not terrible. Lunchtime was definately a well welcomed and much needed break though. I had a missed call and a voicemail on my phone. I called back, and it was the surgery department. She told me that after the interviews they decided to go with someone else. Yes, yes, I know all this...I have just learned to accept it...do we have to go back and open old wounds. She went on though. After the interviews they decided to go with someone else, BUT they wanted to hire me too. She was going to work on getting another position open and would call me in a couple days.
Yesterday I got the phone call, "you have been offered a position in the surgery department, do you accept?" Like I would say no? Of course I accept!
So it's official, a surgery nurse I will soon be! I cannot wait to get started! The only drawback is that since my friend from the floor also got the job that makes two of us leaving. Then another one of my friends is going on maternity leave the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. My supervisor says we can't all three leave the floor on the same day, she won't have the staff to manage it. So I'll have to stay on the floor a little while longer. I think there still may be a possibillity that I could finish up on the floor around Thanksgiving, but more likely than not I will be working where I am until after Christmas. I am disappointed to say the least, but how can I be upset with that one little setback after everything I have just been given.
The biggest lesson I learned out of all of this is that I should always put all my trust in God. He knew what He was doing all along, He just needed me to believe in Him. I know that whatever is suppose to happen will work out. If I am suppose to go to surgery after Thanksgiving then He will work it out, if not maybe I need to stay on the floor until after Christmas for some reason that I don't know about or understand right now. He is in control, and it will all work out just like it was suppose to all along.
I have been talking to a special friend about all of this from the beginning, she knew everything that had been going on. She knew my desires to go, she knew my disappointment when I didn't get it. I texted her yesterday with the news and all she said was "God works in strange ways". No truer words have been spoken. God works in strange ways.