It's all in His hands

In my short nine months as a nurse I have really seen a lot.  I have seen a lot of hard things happen to my patients, and I have been through a lot of hard times with my patients.  I try not to think of my patients as just sick people I am caring for over the next 12 hours.  No, to me that patient in room 9 is my Mimi or that patient down the hall is my little brother.  I try to do for all my patients what I would want done for me and my family if the situation were reversed.  They call it compassion I guess.  I call it "will get you in trouble real fast".  It's a hospital..people are sick..things happen..and it is very hard to see bad things happen to people you feel close to.  I have seen people get devastating diagnoses, and I have seen the toll it takes on their families.  I have seen people come so close to death and have been their to help save their life.  And I have seen people be taken to Heaven no matter how hard we tried to keep them here.  The first time I saw a patient, someone who I felt close to, die in front of me was a day that no matter how hard I try I can never forget.  It is a day that I still replay in my head over and over.  It is a day that I walked out of a room and cried in the middle of the hall of the hospital.  It is a day that I cannot forget.  Until now, that day was the worst day of my nursing career so far.

Sadly I have had a new worst day of my nursing career.  Except this time it didn't involve my patient.  In fact, I wasn't even at work that day.  I was sitting at home agonizing over something vain and insignificant in the greater scheme of things when my phone rang.  It had just happened and already the news was spreading fast.  Baby Charlotte Rae Lyon, born just two days ago by one of my best friends, was being airlifted to a children's hospital.  Ok, sometimes hospitals do that in haste I'm sure, I tried not to worry.  I had a million things to do, but I just sat...waiting on more information and praying for whatever was going on.  The news kept getting worse and worse.  "She has hypoplastic left heart syndrome, in other words the left side of her heart isn't working.  She may be a candidate for a series of open heart surgeries in order to fix the problem. Just pray. Surgery is not an option, our only hope is a heart transplant.  We know this wont' be easy to find, all we can do is keep her comfortable. Just pray.  Pray, pray, pray, and pray."

I am no specialist on newborns, nor am I a cardiac nurse.  But Baby Charlotte translates over to my nursing career because you don't have to be a neonatal cardiologist to know when something is bad.  Intubated, extubated, reintubated, catheterized, PICC line, incubator...that's all I need to hear to know it's bad.  But no matter how bad it is or how bad it sounds, we cannot give up hope.  We cannot give up faith in God.  That is something that is sometimes hard to remember as a nurse.  I know the science, I know what could happen or what the body does when it is in situations like this.  But I try to keep reminding myself every day with this and with my work, God is not science.  God can and does work miracles.  I have had patients that are a living proof of that.  The power of prayer is an amazing thing.

I have never seen a more Godly person than Sally.  She is always who I turn to when I need my faith revived.  She always has everything in God's hands.  Now I should be the strong one for her, and she is still telling me that they gave it completely to God.  She trusts His will will be done.  She has come to terms with the reality, she doesn't like it and hasn't stopped praying for a miracle, but she knows God has a plan for everything.  It takes someone really special to be that strong.

A little less than nine months ago, I posted my first ever blog.  In my first blog I ended with my excitement over Baby Lyon.  I was the first to find out she was pregnant.  I was the first to know Baby Lyon was coming.  And now I need prayers for Baby Charlotte Rae Lyon.  I hope that there is a miracle out there for her, but if that isn't God's will then I just pray for peace and comfort for Charlotte and her family.  It's all in His hands.

Such a perfect, beautiful baby at birth.

Still perfect and beautiful in all of our hearts.