God works in strange ways

It's been awhile since I have blogged.  Sorry, life can kind of get in the way sometimes of what I would rather be doing.  To make amends, I have some news to share and I'll share it here first.  Ok well I did tell Josh already, and my parents, and my grandmothers, and every one at work, and everyone where I used to work, and a couple friends...let me rephrase that.  I have some news to share, and I share it here fourty-seventh.  Doesn't have quite the ummth I was looking for, but oh well let's just go with it.

These past two weeks have been filled with nervousness, anticipation, and spiritual growth.  But all of this actually started way back in August.  It was about three months ago when I decided that I am not really happy with where I am at work any more.  Don't get me wrong, I love what I do.  I love my patients and I love the people I work with.  But I don't feel fulfilled with my work life.  There are some days when I have to make really tough decisions and when I have to make judgement calls for the wellbeing of every one of my patients.  But then again there are days when my patients really aren't all that sick and they don't really need me to do anything more for them besides give them their medications and make sure they aren't in pain.  I had gotten to the point where I felt like I could do more, and I wanted to do something about it.  Besides that I am not happy with my schedule.  Working every other  weekend is hard. Working every other holiday is harder.  This year I have to work Christmas day.  I am sad enough thinking about having to leave Josh on our first married Christmas, I cannot imagine having to leave small children at home.

So I started exploring my options, trying to figure out what interested me. I had a couple offers to go work in the ICU or to go work at the cancer center.  I don't think the cancer center is where I want to be longterm.  I would love ICU, but the schedule there is the same as what I have here.  Finally, I decided that surgery may be the place for me.  More advanced, better hours, it sounded perfect.

So I applied in August when a job opportunity became available.  By September I met the new surgery nurse.  Disappointment.  But the job opportunity was never taken off the website.  I talked a friend from the office into calling for me to see what was going on.  There was still an opening but it wouldn't be for a while because they had to train the one they just hired first.  Ok. Fine. I can wait.

So I waited and waited and kind of gave up.  One day a few weeks ago I got phone call asking if I would like to go on an interview for the surgery position.  Of course I said yes very enthusiastically.  We played with interview days, and the only day that would work was my birthday.  Maybe it would be good luck...who knows but stress and nerves ruled my birthday...I could hardly eat cake.

The interview came and went.  I did my best but it was fast, and I was unsure of how I came across.  I found out that three other people interviewed.  Two of my friends from the same floor I work on and another person from within the hospital.  I kind of lost hope.

The days between the phone call and the interview and then again between the interview and when we found out who was hired were so tough.  I was stressed out.  This was a completely new thing for me.  I didn't know what to think.  I prayed about it so much on a daily and sometimes two or three times a day basis.  I don't know much about surgery and how the nursing process works down there.  I don't know if it is for me.  I don't know where I am suppose to be, but I knew I wanted something else.  Finally, I just gave it to God.  I asked God to take me where I was suppose to be.  If I wasn't suppose to be in surgery then I didn't want the position I told Him.  And I said if I don't get the position it will be ok, I'll just know surgery wasn't for meant for me.  That will be my sign.

Well, I am a little ashamed to say, but I may not have been completely honest with God.  I got my rejection email from surgery on Thursday saying someone else had been hired.  The good news was that my good friend from the floor did get the job, and I was so happy for her.  I was so happy for her, but at the same time I was so sad for me.  I cried on the way home from work.  Then I cried again when we were laying down for bed Thursday night.  I was mad at myself for being so upset, but at the same time I was upset that I didn't the job.  Bottom line, my feelings were hurt.  I took it personally, and I shouldn't have.

It took me the entire weekend to cope with the rejection.  I whined about it off and on whenever Josh and I were alone and I could really confide in him.  It just hurt to be turned down like that.  I had bounced back by Sunday though for the most part.  I accepted the rejection, and I was really excited for my friend.  I even went back to the old drawing board with my job hunt that night.  Obviously surgery wasn't for me.  That must be what God was telling me.

I looked around for quotes that comforted me and brought me hope.  My favorite was "Understand, God has you exactly where He wants you.  If you'll learn to be happy where you are, God will take you where you want to be.  He's promised He will give you the desires of your hearts."  I adopted it as my new motto and decided to live it.  God has gotten more through so much so far, I know he won't let me down now.  I just have to keep searching for where I am suppose to be.

Monday morning meant back to work.  Busy day but not terrible.  Lunchtime was definately a well welcomed and much needed break though.  I had a missed call and a voicemail on my phone.  I called back, and it was the surgery department.  She told me that after the interviews they decided to go with someone else.  Yes, yes, I know all this...I have just learned to accept it...do we have to go back and open old wounds.  She went on though.  After the interviews they decided to go with someone else, BUT they wanted to hire me too.  She was going to work on getting another position open and would call me in a couple days.

Yesterday I got the phone call, "you have been offered a position in the surgery department, do you accept?"  Like I would say no?  Of course I accept!

So it's official, a surgery nurse I will soon be!  I cannot wait to get started!  The only drawback is that since my friend from the floor also got the job that makes two of us leaving.  Then another one of my friends is going on maternity leave the Wednesday before Thanksgiving.  My supervisor says we can't all three leave the floor on the same day, she won't have the staff to manage it.  So I'll have to stay on the floor a little while longer.  I think there still may be a possibillity that I could finish up on the floor around Thanksgiving, but more likely than not I will be working where I am until after Christmas.  I am disappointed to say the least, but how can I be upset with that one little setback after everything I have just been given.

The biggest lesson I learned out of all of this is that I should always put all my trust in God.  He knew what He was doing all along, He just needed me to believe in Him.  I know that whatever is suppose to happen will work out.  If I am suppose to go to surgery after Thanksgiving then He will work it out, if not maybe I need to stay on the floor until after Christmas for some reason that I don't know about or understand right now.  He is in control, and it will all work out just like it was suppose to all along.

I have been talking to a special friend about all of this from the beginning, she knew everything that had been going on.  She knew my desires to go, she knew my disappointment when I didn't get it.  I texted her yesterday with the news and all she said was "God works in strange ways". No truer words have been spoken.  God works in strange ways.

A Mississippi Saturday Night

It's been six years.  Six years since the last time Josh and I went to a football game at our dear old alma mater.  Six years ago he was playing football for the Generals, leading the team, and a star on the field.  I was on the sidelines as a cheerleader, mainly just there to be closer to him.  Six years later we came back to that same field that we had stood on years before.  Things had changed and things had stayed exactly the same all at the same time.  We saw our old high school friends there.  We picked up some of the same conversations that I could swear we had six years ago.

Things were different too.  What really aged us was the way we identified people.  It wasn't anymore of who is this or who is that and how do I know them.  No, now we have come to a point in our lives where we were asking who is his mama and daddy, what do his parents do.  It was the sad realization that we are now old.  We are adults.  We work for a living, and we are done with that zero responsibility lifestyle.

It was the Homecoming game.  Sadly, the home team lost.  We laughed about what would have happened on that field six years ago.  We would get lost in moments envisioning what our Homecoming game was like six years ago.  And then we would snap back to reality.  We are happy, settled, thriving.  We wouldn't go back.  Ok, ok maybe we would trade in a day or two of work to go back to that carefree high school lifestyle, but we wouldn't let that change our present.

We spent the whole weekend last weekend in Mississippi.  Drove in late after I got off work Thursday night.  Talked the whole ride there over tacos about life and our thoughts and concerns.  Enjoyed Homecoming Friday.  Had the opportunity to visit with family and friends that we hadn't seen in ages.  Some things seem as if they haven't changed a bit.  Some people don't change.  Saturday night was my birthday dinner at our favorite hometown restaurant.  It is nice to go back where everyone knows your name.

After dinner was what we had been waiting for.  A late night four wheeler ride with friends.  It. Has. Been. Ages.  This fact was obvious when I forgot to pack appropriate clothing.  Let's just say midnight four wheeler ride in October + no socks = can hardly get my feet warm enough for hours after!  Despite freezing cold feet, it was bliss.  Three four wheelers, six friends, red dirt roads, and a star lit path...it took me back to a place that I miss.  At one point we all parked on a bridge and just sat and talked and enjoyed each other.  It was peaceful.  It was perfect.

The weekend ended much faster than seemed possible.  Typical.

We took it easy on the way home Sunday.  Drove slow, stopped where we wanted, had lunch with our favorite Brandon resident, and worked our way back down south.  The weekend in Mississippi...at home...was everything I hoped, everything I expected.  It was perfect.  My birthday weekend, and it was all the gift I needed.  Spending time with my husband at home, in our roots, back in the place that brought Josh and me together was surreal.  It reminded me how truly lucky I am to have him in my life.  And while we miss our roots and our friends so much, we were reminded how blessed we are in our life here in Louisiana.

You may not always end up where you thought you would be, but you will always end up where you were suppose to be...right where God intended you to be all along!

The Fifth of October

Man.  A tough word to say when you are describing your "little" brother.  As much as I try to deny it, a man he truly is.

Twenty-two years.  For twenty-two years we have been bonded.  Siblings by birth, friends by choice.  And today the big day has come around again.  Happy birthday to my Jefie.  Happy birthday to my brother, to my friend.  Happy birthday to the one who has always been wise beyond his years.  Happy birthday to the one who has always been there for me, guided me, and laughed with me.

Happy birthday to one of the greatest men I know.

Twenty-two years seem like they have come and gone in the blink of the eye, but I wouldn't trade them for anything!  I can't wait to see what you make out of your next twenty-two years!

  

It's all in His hands

In my short nine months as a nurse I have really seen a lot.  I have seen a lot of hard things happen to my patients, and I have been through a lot of hard times with my patients.  I try not to think of my patients as just sick people I am caring for over the next 12 hours.  No, to me that patient in room 9 is my Mimi or that patient down the hall is my little brother.  I try to do for all my patients what I would want done for me and my family if the situation were reversed.  They call it compassion I guess.  I call it "will get you in trouble real fast".  It's a hospital..people are sick..things happen..and it is very hard to see bad things happen to people you feel close to.  I have seen people get devastating diagnoses, and I have seen the toll it takes on their families.  I have seen people come so close to death and have been their to help save their life.  And I have seen people be taken to Heaven no matter how hard we tried to keep them here.  The first time I saw a patient, someone who I felt close to, die in front of me was a day that no matter how hard I try I can never forget.  It is a day that I still replay in my head over and over.  It is a day that I walked out of a room and cried in the middle of the hall of the hospital.  It is a day that I cannot forget.  Until now, that day was the worst day of my nursing career so far.

Sadly I have had a new worst day of my nursing career.  Except this time it didn't involve my patient.  In fact, I wasn't even at work that day.  I was sitting at home agonizing over something vain and insignificant in the greater scheme of things when my phone rang.  It had just happened and already the news was spreading fast.  Baby Charlotte Rae Lyon, born just two days ago by one of my best friends, was being airlifted to a children's hospital.  Ok, sometimes hospitals do that in haste I'm sure, I tried not to worry.  I had a million things to do, but I just sat...waiting on more information and praying for whatever was going on.  The news kept getting worse and worse.  "She has hypoplastic left heart syndrome, in other words the left side of her heart isn't working.  She may be a candidate for a series of open heart surgeries in order to fix the problem. Just pray. Surgery is not an option, our only hope is a heart transplant.  We know this wont' be easy to find, all we can do is keep her comfortable. Just pray.  Pray, pray, pray, and pray."

I am no specialist on newborns, nor am I a cardiac nurse.  But Baby Charlotte translates over to my nursing career because you don't have to be a neonatal cardiologist to know when something is bad.  Intubated, extubated, reintubated, catheterized, PICC line, incubator...that's all I need to hear to know it's bad.  But no matter how bad it is or how bad it sounds, we cannot give up hope.  We cannot give up faith in God.  That is something that is sometimes hard to remember as a nurse.  I know the science, I know what could happen or what the body does when it is in situations like this.  But I try to keep reminding myself every day with this and with my work, God is not science.  God can and does work miracles.  I have had patients that are a living proof of that.  The power of prayer is an amazing thing.

I have never seen a more Godly person than Sally.  She is always who I turn to when I need my faith revived.  She always has everything in God's hands.  Now I should be the strong one for her, and she is still telling me that they gave it completely to God.  She trusts His will will be done.  She has come to terms with the reality, she doesn't like it and hasn't stopped praying for a miracle, but she knows God has a plan for everything.  It takes someone really special to be that strong.

A little less than nine months ago, I posted my first ever blog.  In my first blog I ended with my excitement over Baby Lyon.  I was the first to find out she was pregnant.  I was the first to know Baby Lyon was coming.  And now I need prayers for Baby Charlotte Rae Lyon.  I hope that there is a miracle out there for her, but if that isn't God's will then I just pray for peace and comfort for Charlotte and her family.  It's all in His hands.

Such a perfect, beautiful baby at birth.

Still perfect and beautiful in all of our hearts.

Thank you

"Be a best friend, tell the truth, and over-use I love you.  Go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common sense.  Never let your praying knees get lazy.  And love like crazy."

Josh and I were driving home from fishing last night when I heard this song.  It's a song that I have heard many times, but it has never rang more true to me before now.  I have learned many things in my past 24 years.  One of the most important things that I have learned I think is to tell people how you really feel about them and about situations.  I am not saying be mean.  I am not saying go up to every person with a opposing opinion from your own and challenge them; and I am not saying that just because you don't like a person you can cut them down by telling them so.  There's a thin line between speaking the truth for everyone's benefit and speaking what you think is the truth to make yourself seem like the bigger man.

I am still in the beginning stages of this mindset.  I still have a hard time deciphering between the two some days, so if I am ever in doubt about my intentions I refrain from saying anything.  But I am getting better every day.

I have gotten to the point in my life where if someone says something or does something that bothers me or makes me feel uncomfortable, I tell them.  I used to let everything slide, and then I would run home and cry and fuss at Josh about it ultimately taking it out on him when he had no part in it.  Standing up for yourself can be liberating, and I am kind of liking it!

But it's not all about that you know.  This whole "telling people how you really feel" thing can go two ways.  At work I get the greatest satisfaction when my patients call back to the hospital or write in their survey that I did a great job as their nurse or whatever their compliment may be.  People can benefit so much by just a little thank you or sometimes a big thank you when it's warranted.  More so than confronting people when I feel the situation is just, I am focusing more in life on thanking the people who do a great job in life or at work or where ever the opportunity presents itself.

It's the silent do-gooders that get me the most.  I am sure there are more people out there than I know who do good deeds and expect nor want any recognition.  It's the ones who make the hard decisions and actually carry out the hard choices for the greater good of someone else.  For those people it sometimes seems like a simple thank you isn't enough.  But sometimes it is all you can say.

I have said my thank you, and while I wish that I could some how express it more I know I may not be able to.  Sometimes a little thank you can go a long way.

Thank you for everything, for all that you do, now and before this ever happened.  Thank you just for being you.  Thank you!

Geaux Saints!

It's been a while since I have blogged. Shame, shame I know!  Sadly,today won't be much different.  Life is great and work has been really going well and is absolutely fulfilling!  Tons of things to report..just no time to put it all down!  It will come out one day in one big ole blog of randomness...sooner rather than later.  Promise!

But for now..I have a new hobby!!  It's kind of pricey, but I am proud to say I have mastered (err..AM mastering) the art of wreath making!!

GEAUX SAINTS!

LTL

I have a new love in life.  A little 9lb bundle of joy!  Baby Landon, you are going to be a really great and special man some day.  It's crazy how you can only know someone for a couple minutes and love them so completely in an instant!  I love you, Baby Landon!