It's kind of late, and I am pretty tired. This will have to be a quick one. Read: not too funny, not too long, probably no super cute pictures. :( I know...you can go ahead and X out now if you feel the need.
Anywhoo...we have started a new way of life. This would be the infant/grad school/back to work full time life. I know, I know...big sigh and lots of tears. Been through it. Still going through it. Blah. People have to work. Bottom line. This is what I tell myself every morning when the alarm goes off (I also tell myself, didn't I just go to bed 15 minutes ago..my hair is still damp from the shower I had just before bed). It is a very new, very strange schedule for us that one day I'm sure we will adapt to and embrace. I am making compromises to make it work the best I can...things like coffee first thing in the morning and waking up a few minutes early so that I can spend some quality time with my sweet baby without having to bundle him up and rush out the door help things.
It has only been two days, but this is kind of how our schedule works...so far...
I get up by 5 in the morning. If I have Tyson's day clothes already packed, my lunch already ready, clothes for me laid out, and the coffee pot geared up, it only takes me 15 minutes tops to be ready to walk out the door. Kinda sad...kinda awesome. I am still on the fence over this point. By 5:15 if Tyson's not up, I wake him up. He gets up usually by 5:30 most days, but I need that extra 15 minutes to feed him if we want to walk out the door in time. So he eats, I drink coffee, we watch the news, and we have a little morning chat. I try to get him to play with me a little, but most mornings he just wants to go back to sleep after he eats...he is his mother's child. So we say bye to Daddy, get out the house, go to the sitter, and I try to pry myself away from him....ok it's only day two, this will get better. Right?! He's just too cute and sweet to leave!
Work. All. Day. Long. Never knew how long an 8 hour day was until now, but thank goodness I am lucky enough to only work 8 hours. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't see that baby by 3!
Once I get home in the afternoon it is super nice because we have quality family time. Josh is generally done with most of his homework by then. Tyson has napped and eaten and is ready to play. And I am so ready to unwind and be with my two boys. We haven't worked out the exact schematics of my studying and cooking supper just yet...it has only been two days. Monday Tyson sat in his high chair, and we talked while I cooked...but supper that night consisted of pigs in a blanket and cut corn so it didn't take much effort or time on my part. Tonight I had a test, so he played on his mat while I read my review to him. We have to solidify how we will handle things like this as time goes on...right now all I can concentrate on is snuggling him and telling him how much I missed him all day!!
Today his sitter said he took much better naps, and they said their ABC's and counted. I've been reading pharmacotherapeutic notes to him about drug treatment options for things like constipation and mood disorders...I completely forgot that we had never been over the basics like his ABC's!! Thank goodness for her!! She is amazing, she loves Tyson, we love her, and I am getting slightly more comfortable with the whole leaving him all day thing...slightly. Monday I called her 3 times in 8 (actually 6 because I got to go in late) hours. Today I only called once. I probably will always have to call on my lunch break. I want to call every hour of the day though, so I feel as if I am compromising!
Besides going back to work and leaving my two sweet boys all day and dealing with all the emotions surrounding that, the day before my big work return was my birthday. 27! Best one yet if you ask me. Look at what all I have!! I did not want a thing for my birthday...everything I want is this room with me right now (one snoring right next to me, the other grunting in his sleep in his sleeper). Despite my insistence for no gifts, Josh was very upset about the recent demise of my coveted laptop. Truth be told, I am in the middle of grad school, that lap top was NEEDED. I was making it though using the big desktop though and doing what I had to to get by. Long story short...I am sitting in bed typing this blog on my NEW MACBOOK PRO!!! LOVE IT!! Such a huge upgrade from my ancient, on its last leg, halfway dead one. I can't wait until I actually have time to play with it and see what all it can do. I would upload you some super cute pics of Tyson and his 'first day at the sitter' sign, his two month pics, etc, etc, etc....but I can't quite figure out how to move all my pictures over yet...and with this big test looming over head, I haven't really had time. Have no fear, I will figure it out soon!
OK..boring tonight I know. Sorry for the lack of humor (not that any of my posts are saturated in it). I am not even sure if all of this is coherent. Here's to hoping you can make sense of this...and that my hair is slightly drier in the morning!!
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Sheesh!
It was all going so well last night. Too well..
Lately I have been thinking about it, and I have been so proud of myself for being able to get things done around here with a newborn.
Umm excuse me...I didn't realize until yesterday when Tyson was having his second trial run at the sitter's (and I wasn't an emotional wreck watching the clock the WHOLE time) that I have actually been getting nothing done these past few weeks! Nothing measurable at least. In the 3 hours Tyson was at the sitter's I was able to finish and submit two school assignments, clean the house, fix lunch, and eat. These things generaly take me an entire day to accomplish, and they don't all get done in the same day. But what I am accomplishing all day..although nothing outwardly observable...is so much more important. Rocking a sleeping baby, watching him learn to interact with different things, gaining his trust, and learning his needs and wants is so much more rewarding than the million things I can get done when he's at the sitter's or visiting family or where he may be. I have no job that is more important or more rewarding than being Josh's wife and Tyson's mom!
Fast forward to later last night...
I have cooked this delicious dinner that I actually created (and if you know my cooking skills this is big), the house is clean, the baby was playing happily and is now quietly napping...I have time for a shower before our bedtime routine needs to start! Score!!
Just as I'm thinking what a lovely day/night it has been...BOOM! Tyson wakes up as I'm drying off and decides he's hungry NOW. Josh has done something to his toe, is bleeding profusely, "almost passed out", and would probably benefit from some steri-strips at the very least...oh and he needs someone to clean up his blood. Tyson is screaming at the top of his lungs as I try to put on his pajamas that he is quickly out growing (the size says 3 months, you are 8 weeks, these must fit!). Then I notice the dog has eaten another diaper. Oh yes I said another. He ate one a week and a half ago, and I have been painstakingly monitoring him and his stools for the past ten days. Fun! I holler at Josh about the dog's latest culinary delight, and he ventures out of the bathroom to see...tracking blood everywhere he goes. Tyson is still screaming as I try to quickly fix his bottle (not easily or quickly done with a screaming infant in your arms). Josh decides Beaux needs to
vomit. "No, I don't think it would be a good idea to stick your fingers down the dog's throat". Finally Google leads him to hydrogen peroxide. I try to help him measure peroxide into the turkey basting syringe as I mix the bottle. Poor screaming baby..that paci just ain't cutting it. Finally the bottle's ready. Josh gives Beaux the vomit inducing concoction. We finally all sit down quietly in the living room. Then the concoction works, and Josh and Beaux make a beeline for the front door. Tyson is content and eating away, and Beaux is in the front yard regurgitating a diaper. Sorry neighbors! This went on for almost ten minutes. Finally he seems done. Tyson has been fed, changed, swaddled, rocked, sang to, and is sleeping peacefully in his rock-N-play. The dog is passed out in his bed probably in fear of vomitting again. Josh's toe has now been bandaged, and he's sleeping quietly.ehh snoring a little but whatever. And I'm laying here thinking about that perfect day we had today and how it got so much better because life got thrown into the mix!!
AND the fact that I may need a stiff drink..it's never too late for a tottie right?!
Lately I have been thinking about it, and I have been so proud of myself for being able to get things done around here with a newborn.
Umm excuse me...I didn't realize until yesterday when Tyson was having his second trial run at the sitter's (and I wasn't an emotional wreck watching the clock the WHOLE time) that I have actually been getting nothing done these past few weeks! Nothing measurable at least. In the 3 hours Tyson was at the sitter's I was able to finish and submit two school assignments, clean the house, fix lunch, and eat. These things generaly take me an entire day to accomplish, and they don't all get done in the same day. But what I am accomplishing all day..although nothing outwardly observable...is so much more important. Rocking a sleeping baby, watching him learn to interact with different things, gaining his trust, and learning his needs and wants is so much more rewarding than the million things I can get done when he's at the sitter's or visiting family or where he may be. I have no job that is more important or more rewarding than being Josh's wife and Tyson's mom!
Fast forward to later last night...
I have cooked this delicious dinner that I actually created (and if you know my cooking skills this is big), the house is clean, the baby was playing happily and is now quietly napping...I have time for a shower before our bedtime routine needs to start! Score!!
Just as I'm thinking what a lovely day/night it has been...BOOM! Tyson wakes up as I'm drying off and decides he's hungry NOW. Josh has done something to his toe, is bleeding profusely, "almost passed out", and would probably benefit from some steri-strips at the very least...oh and he needs someone to clean up his blood. Tyson is screaming at the top of his lungs as I try to put on his pajamas that he is quickly out growing (the size says 3 months, you are 8 weeks, these must fit!). Then I notice the dog has eaten another diaper. Oh yes I said another. He ate one a week and a half ago, and I have been painstakingly monitoring him and his stools for the past ten days. Fun! I holler at Josh about the dog's latest culinary delight, and he ventures out of the bathroom to see...tracking blood everywhere he goes. Tyson is still screaming as I try to quickly fix his bottle (not easily or quickly done with a screaming infant in your arms). Josh decides Beaux needs to
vomit. "No, I don't think it would be a good idea to stick your fingers down the dog's throat". Finally Google leads him to hydrogen peroxide. I try to help him measure peroxide into the turkey basting syringe as I mix the bottle. Poor screaming baby..that paci just ain't cutting it. Finally the bottle's ready. Josh gives Beaux the vomit inducing concoction. We finally all sit down quietly in the living room. Then the concoction works, and Josh and Beaux make a beeline for the front door. Tyson is content and eating away, and Beaux is in the front yard regurgitating a diaper. Sorry neighbors! This went on for almost ten minutes. Finally he seems done. Tyson has been fed, changed, swaddled, rocked, sang to, and is sleeping peacefully in his rock-N-play. The dog is passed out in his bed probably in fear of vomitting again. Josh's toe has now been bandaged, and he's sleeping quietly.ehh snoring a little but whatever. And I'm laying here thinking about that perfect day we had today and how it got so much better because life got thrown into the mix!!
AND the fact that I may need a stiff drink..it's never too late for a tottie right?!
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
I'm finally holding what I've been hoping for...
Well it's been 6 weeks!
Six-incredibly short-I don't know where the time has gone-please time slow down-weeks.
My sweet boy is growing and changing every day which is kind of bittersweet!
We have learned and grown so much these past few weeks as a family of 3. Just this past week I realized that Tyson's a little more resilient that I have given him credit for. I was so anxious about his feedings, and when he needed to eat, and who could feed him, and how he should be fed, and how much he could eat. Now I realize that this is not the end of the world. He will eat when he's hungry, and he will tell me when that is. Currently he's working on his second bottle in as many hours, but baby boy was hungry. This mama is dieting, so I understand his cries of hunger..I won't deny him! Other times he goes longer than I think he should, but he's a big boy...he's not starving! I don't sit over people and watch them like a hawk while they are feeding him anymore...well I try really hard to make a conscious effort not to. It's a bottle, he knows how to take it. I have kind of started to chill out...kind of!
And while we are talking about feeding...breast feeding. We tried; I failed...no judgement please. It was a super hard decision to stop, but it was the best decision for Tyson's health and (because of the fact that if I continued we would have had to exclusively pump) it was by far the best decision for my sanity. Being formula fed won't stop him from being whatever he wants to be in life, and I know he won't suffer any life-long repercussions because of this. It has been a guilt-ridden decision fueled by the fact that strangers at Subway and WalMart feel compelled to ask if he's breast or formula fed. I feel as if I owe them an explanation as to why we use formula, but I know I don't. I guess a tiny part of me feels the need to qualify it with an explanation. I don't mind telling anyone I know why it didn't work for us, but the stranger in front of me at the post office really doesn't need to know any more besides he's fed...well and often. I mean look at this belly, there's no doubt the boy eats...
For the past six week I have been living my life in 3 hour increments. I never knew how fast a day could fly by or how tough it may be just to run to the grocery store! Tyson is not bad at all to take to the grocery store or anywhere for that matter. The problem is timing it. Going run grocery shopping cannot be a spur of the moment decision like it used to be...it has to be a well planned out excursion at this point. Tyson will eat, I'll change his diaper, load him in the car, and head to the grocery store. At this point the clock is down to about two hours. In and out the car and the buggy with the infant carrier, get all our groceries (which always takes longer because we have to stop in the baby section just incase Tyson has to have that cute set of PJs he doesn't really need but they say 'My First Halloween' and I just can't pass them up), check out, get home, unload baby and groceries, and it's time to feed him again. It can be exhausting, but I love having him with us at every minute. This is what I have been waiting on..just the every day life moments where nothing special happens but we are living life as a family of three, going to the grocery store, going to grab a bite to eat; this is our new life that I have been anxiously waiting on.
My maternity leave is flying by!! I am having the hardest time coming to terms with having to go back to work soon, but at the same time I strangely look forward to it. It is the weirdest thing.
I LOVE my time at home with my little man. We have the best little routine down that includes quiet mornings over coffee (and a bottle for him) and study time throughout the day as he naps. I feel relaxed about school because I have plenty of time to complete all my assignments and do all my work. The hardest part about getting it all done is having to put this sweet baby down to type papers (I have mastered one handed typing, it just takes far longer). My house is always relatively clean, and I have plenty of time to cook supper and clean the kitchen every night without the stress of needing to rush to do everything so I can get some precious sleep. I could rock this stay at home mom job and love every single minute of it.
That's just not our reality though. Josh is in school full time, and I couldn't be more proud of him for making this incredibly scary step for the betterment of himself and our family. It is hard enough to survive on one income, but having at least one income is an absolute necessity so I do have to return to work. Most days just thinking about it fills me with this deep sense of dread.
It's not the fact of actually returning to work that's killing me though. For the most part I enjoy what I do. I am passionate about nursing and about my patients, and I enjoy the company of my coworkers. But man I love my baby. Even though we have a great sitter that we were lucky to find, I still hate the thought of leaving him all day especially the days that I don't know for sure exactly what time I'll be getting off work. Add on top of that, my leisurely study schedule and night time routine will fly out the window once I go back to work.
The part that does fuel me to go back to work is knowing that it means our baby is growing and reaching milestones. Soon he will be big enough to reach for me and laugh when I do something silly. Soon it will be Thanksgiving and Christmas, and our little family of three will be able to plan our holiday trips to Mississippi, put up a tree, fix a big meal, and just enjoy each other and our family. There are lots of great times to come, and in order for them to get here, time does have to go on and I do have to go back to work.
These past six weeks have been the best weeks of my life. I can't even imagine how much better and how much fuller my heart will get watching this precious boy grow. He wears me out and gives me the strength I need to get up and push through at the same time. I never knew how little sleep I could survive on, or how enraptured I could be by a 10.8lb baby boy, or how I wouldn't trade one middle of the night feeding for anything in the world. He is mine and his daddy's whole world, and we feel so lucky and grateful that God chose us to be Tyson's parents.
As the country song goes, "I'm finally holding what I've been hoping for"....
Six-incredibly short-I don't know where the time has gone-please time slow down-weeks.
My sweet boy is growing and changing every day which is kind of bittersweet!
We have learned and grown so much these past few weeks as a family of 3. Just this past week I realized that Tyson's a little more resilient that I have given him credit for. I was so anxious about his feedings, and when he needed to eat, and who could feed him, and how he should be fed, and how much he could eat. Now I realize that this is not the end of the world. He will eat when he's hungry, and he will tell me when that is. Currently he's working on his second bottle in as many hours, but baby boy was hungry. This mama is dieting, so I understand his cries of hunger..I won't deny him! Other times he goes longer than I think he should, but he's a big boy...he's not starving! I don't sit over people and watch them like a hawk while they are feeding him anymore...well I try really hard to make a conscious effort not to. It's a bottle, he knows how to take it. I have kind of started to chill out...kind of!
And while we are talking about feeding...breast feeding. We tried; I failed...no judgement please. It was a super hard decision to stop, but it was the best decision for Tyson's health and (because of the fact that if I continued we would have had to exclusively pump) it was by far the best decision for my sanity. Being formula fed won't stop him from being whatever he wants to be in life, and I know he won't suffer any life-long repercussions because of this. It has been a guilt-ridden decision fueled by the fact that strangers at Subway and WalMart feel compelled to ask if he's breast or formula fed. I feel as if I owe them an explanation as to why we use formula, but I know I don't. I guess a tiny part of me feels the need to qualify it with an explanation. I don't mind telling anyone I know why it didn't work for us, but the stranger in front of me at the post office really doesn't need to know any more besides he's fed...well and often. I mean look at this belly, there's no doubt the boy eats...
For the past six week I have been living my life in 3 hour increments. I never knew how fast a day could fly by or how tough it may be just to run to the grocery store! Tyson is not bad at all to take to the grocery store or anywhere for that matter. The problem is timing it. Going run grocery shopping cannot be a spur of the moment decision like it used to be...it has to be a well planned out excursion at this point. Tyson will eat, I'll change his diaper, load him in the car, and head to the grocery store. At this point the clock is down to about two hours. In and out the car and the buggy with the infant carrier, get all our groceries (which always takes longer because we have to stop in the baby section just incase Tyson has to have that cute set of PJs he doesn't really need but they say 'My First Halloween' and I just can't pass them up), check out, get home, unload baby and groceries, and it's time to feed him again. It can be exhausting, but I love having him with us at every minute. This is what I have been waiting on..just the every day life moments where nothing special happens but we are living life as a family of three, going to the grocery store, going to grab a bite to eat; this is our new life that I have been anxiously waiting on.
My maternity leave is flying by!! I am having the hardest time coming to terms with having to go back to work soon, but at the same time I strangely look forward to it. It is the weirdest thing.
I LOVE my time at home with my little man. We have the best little routine down that includes quiet mornings over coffee (and a bottle for him) and study time throughout the day as he naps. I feel relaxed about school because I have plenty of time to complete all my assignments and do all my work. The hardest part about getting it all done is having to put this sweet baby down to type papers (I have mastered one handed typing, it just takes far longer). My house is always relatively clean, and I have plenty of time to cook supper and clean the kitchen every night without the stress of needing to rush to do everything so I can get some precious sleep. I could rock this stay at home mom job and love every single minute of it.
That's just not our reality though. Josh is in school full time, and I couldn't be more proud of him for making this incredibly scary step for the betterment of himself and our family. It is hard enough to survive on one income, but having at least one income is an absolute necessity so I do have to return to work. Most days just thinking about it fills me with this deep sense of dread.
It's not the fact of actually returning to work that's killing me though. For the most part I enjoy what I do. I am passionate about nursing and about my patients, and I enjoy the company of my coworkers. But man I love my baby. Even though we have a great sitter that we were lucky to find, I still hate the thought of leaving him all day especially the days that I don't know for sure exactly what time I'll be getting off work. Add on top of that, my leisurely study schedule and night time routine will fly out the window once I go back to work.
The part that does fuel me to go back to work is knowing that it means our baby is growing and reaching milestones. Soon he will be big enough to reach for me and laugh when I do something silly. Soon it will be Thanksgiving and Christmas, and our little family of three will be able to plan our holiday trips to Mississippi, put up a tree, fix a big meal, and just enjoy each other and our family. There are lots of great times to come, and in order for them to get here, time does have to go on and I do have to go back to work.
These past six weeks have been the best weeks of my life. I can't even imagine how much better and how much fuller my heart will get watching this precious boy grow. He wears me out and gives me the strength I need to get up and push through at the same time. I never knew how little sleep I could survive on, or how enraptured I could be by a 10.8lb baby boy, or how I wouldn't trade one middle of the night feeding for anything in the world. He is mine and his daddy's whole world, and we feel so lucky and grateful that God chose us to be Tyson's parents.
As the country song goes, "I'm finally holding what I've been hoping for"....
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Tyson
Well it finally happened! At 7:16 on Tuesday morning of August 13th, we welcomed our beautiful 8lb 10oz baby boy into the world. Joshua Tyson Dugas, Jr...Tyson...he came into this world absolutely perfect!! We never would have guessed what we were in for when we started this whole process almost 4 weeks ago!
I'm sure everybody remembers the first failed induction on August 5th. Leaving the hospital that day with no baby and having to send all our family home was so super hard! That whole week was tough for me as I stayed home and struggled with whether or not we made the right decision by leaving the hospital that day. I knew we did though. It was too soon for a c-section, and I didn't want to do that unless we absolutely had to. So we waited. We went to the dr, and we all decided to try the induction again the following Monday, the 12th. By then Tyson would be past due. If the induction failed again Monday, we would stay the night and try again Tuesday. If it failed AGAIN then we would talk section.
So...we tried again. Monday came and went with no real progress in labor. A little more dilation, so much that we almost got excited, but it wasn't enough to have my water broken. Not everybody came back for this induction, and not everybody knew about it. Some family did come though, and it was nice having them here with us. Monday turned into a second failed induction, so we knew that Tuesday would be our day no matter what! Tuesday morning brought a lot of unanticipated excitement. At about 6:15 I woke Josh up, "Josh, Josh, I think my water just broke". He almost broke his neck jumping off the couch and running to get a nurse. We were excited to see progress and so was our nurse...until she came to check the "water breaking situation". Apparently my water didn't break, but there was lots of blood. Everything started moving fast. The nurses start talking emergency c-section and getting the dr in. I can see Josh slowly losing it next to me. He calls my family that is in town and gets them all on their way. My OB comes in and confirms that the baby is ok, but we need to get moving and get a section going now.
Wow! So far with this whole laboring process nothing has gone according to my plan! My family ran in just as I was rolling out to go to the section room. I knew the baby was ok, so my only concern was making sure that Josh was ok because he can't really handle these situations. He ended up being ok (thanks mainly to Mrs. Monica for physically suiting him up and then our fabulous CRNA) and sat only semi-nervously by my head through the section. Having what's basically major abdominal surgery that you are wide awake during is the strangest feeling ever. I felt like it took forever...I know it didn't...but laying there just waiting to hear my baby cry and know that he was ok felt like an eternity. FINALLY, I heard him, and it like the world was finally right. Seeing him for the first time was an indescribable experience.
Rolling out of the section room, I was surprised to see all my family and close family friends in the hallway. They played the baby song, and we all cried. They brought the baby to me almost right away so that I could nurse and we could all bond. Throughout the day we had so many sweet visitors. People surprised us with their visits which we loved and were so sad when they had to go! Tons of people were in and out loving on our sweet baby boy.
Finally around 8pm things started settling down for us. Josh, Dad, and Sherry all headed out to get supper. Kay Kay and I were in the room spending quiet time with the baby. Then the pediatrician called. You know it's never good when you get a personal phone call at 8 at night. She started talking to me about bilirubin levels, ABO incompatibilities, bili lights, IV fluids...all things that even as a nurse I couldn't comprehend at the moment. As soon as I hung up the phone I burst into tears. I knew what she was telling me wasn't the end of the world. He was jaundice caused by a blood type incompatibility. His body was fighting off my red blood cells. He needed to be under the bili lights to help his body overcome the jaundice, and he needed IV fluids to help flush his system of the bilirubin. She said, "once we kick this he will be fine". But I was still freaked out.
So they whisked my sweet baby off to the nursery only 12 hours after I had him. All I can say is thank goodness I was nursing. Every three hours the nursery would call, and Josh and I would head in to feed him. That was the only time we got to hold him and be with him. Without that I would have really been dying. It was so hard for my family being in town and not being able to hold him or spend any real time with him. I never would have thought that Tyson would end up having to stay under the bili lights for five whole days. I never would have thought that I would be discharged before he was and that we would have to move into the family sleep room. I never would have known how grateful I would be for a family sleep room when the last thing in the world I could have dreamed of was having to leave my baby boy.
I was a MESS those five days. The pediatrician probably thinks I am a total nut case because she just happened to walk in to our room one night when I was having a break down...a serious, ugly cry, break down. Looking back, I know now that I was such a wreck mainly because of crazy baby hormones. I knew that Tyson was perfectly fine and that we were truly lucky that his only issue was jaundice. I was just so incredibly upset that my sweet baby was away from me. I never changed his diaper, I wasn't with him when he cried, it was honestly killing me. Poor Josh is all I can say. He wanted me to be happy. Of course he wanted the baby with us too, but he knew he couldn't be and he knew he was getting better under the lights. I would lie in the hospital bed at night after everybody was gone and Josh was sleeping and look at all of Tyson's pictures on my phone and just cry. I lived by the clock and our 3 hour feeding schedule. I would just wait and long for the nursery to call me.
We had two saving graces that week. The first one was the fabulous nursery nurses. Tyson really had some great nurses taking care of him, they loved him, kept us informed, and really made sure we were all as happy and comfortable as possible with the whole situation. As hard as it was not having our baby with us, we knew he was in the most capable hands. Our other saving grace...Dad, Sherry, and Kay Kay. Thankfully, they were all able to spend a few days with us while we waited for the baby to come and then as we waited on him to get out of the nursery. I felt so bad that they were here and couldn't spend any time with Tyson, but it was so nice to have them with us during a tough time. They kept our minds occupied, kept us entertained, and visited with us in an uncomfortable hospital room all day every day. It meant so much to us. Eventually, Dad and Sherry did have to go back to work, but luckily we still had Kay Kay. We probably would not have survived without her! After Dad and Sherry left, Kay Kay was stuck at our house by herself. She kept it clean, made countless WalMart runs for us, came entertain us at the hospital everyday, brought us food, and cooked supper when we got to the point that we couldn't stomach one more fast food meal. Dad and Sherry tried hard to wait the baby out so they could get us settled in at home before they had to leave, but our sweet baby boy just wasn't ready yet! Thankfully we still had Kay Kay. She stayed with us the first few days he was home, she helped us settle into a routine, taught us how to give a sponge bath, cooked for us, made sure I rested enough, and she even got up in the night to help me with feedings. We were so sad to see her go!
So obviously, eventually Tyson did get to come home. The Sunday after he was born, he was finally discharged. We were so happy to have him home and so nervous at the same time. It's been three weeks now, and we are amazed every day at how much more we love him. He is truly the best baby ever (and we pray that this doesn't ever change). Right now he's eating every 3-4 hours and sometimes will even go 6 hour stretches at night. He sleeps most of the day and night which gives me time to study and do school work most days with no problem. Our biggest problem is that I want to hold him and snuggle all day long. He is happy as a little lark chilling and napping in his Rock-N-Play, but man I just want to get him out and love him all day!
I remember being so afraid in the weeks before he came. I was worried what would happen to me and Josh once we added a baby to the mix. I didn't know if we would be able to handle it. Now, a little over 3 weeks later, we can't even remember what our old life was like. We can't remember life without Tyson here.
We're still learning over here of course. Tyson's peed on more surfaces of this house than I can count (my shirt and his own mouth included). He's a big grunter and will grunt while he's lightly sleeping most days. Some nights, especially after a day that had lots of visitors, he will have a little bit of a hard time going to sleep. His favorite song to sing while we rock is Johnny's Daddy Was Taking Him Fishing (not sure if that's the actual title). He would probably like Hush Little Baby, but I never can seem to remember the very last lyric and I have to google it mid-song every time! He's the first person who's ever worked himself up to the point of hysterics because he wanted me to sing to him so bad...smart baby knows mommy can sing no matter what anyone else thinks!
Sooo...let me start now with my take backs...one at a time is all the confessions I can handle for today, so here's the first one...
#1- I always said that never would I have a kid that slept in the bed with us.
Wellllll...of course he's too little to be in our bed right now (and I as I type this he might or might not be laying on my chest in the bed, but I'm not sleeping so it doesn't quite count...right?), but once he's old enough and if he wants to sleep with us because he's scare or just misses us, I'm not sure I'll be able to tell him no. I mean I don't know if you have seen him or not, but he's just too cute and sweet to say no to!! ;)
Now back to loving on my sweet baby. We are so happy he's here!!
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Watched pot round 2...
Remember two weeks ago when I compared myself to that watched pot? Well, I was wrong, wrong, wrong. You have never truly been a watched pot until you have been admitted to labor and delivery and have spent the next sixteen hours hooked up to machines, getting pitocin, and truly experiencing contractions. Yesterday I was a watched pot in the truest sense of the word. And I followed protocol exactly...this watched pot really didn't ever boil.
I never thought I would be sitting here writing about this today. It's August 6th. Today is suppose to be my first day with my baby in my arms. Instead, I'm laying in my own bed after having slept a full 12 hours still wondering who my baby is going to look like. I have had the most perfect pregnancy for the entire 9 months. Now, at the end of it, I feel like it's marred by a failed induction. Failed. I don't do "failed".
I am mad at myself for putting myself in this position really. I know not to rush a baby, but we were so excited to have him here. If you were excited and offered to be able to schedule the day that your baby came and it was only 5 days early, you might would do it too. It was a very hard thing to pass up...obviously it proved to be impossible for us to pass up. As a nurse I should have known the risks of an induction. But I am not a labor and delivery nurse. Beyond the increased risk of a c-section, I never knew they were any real risks. Of course with any medical procedure anything can happen. I'm more than aware of that. But the fact that the induction could fail and I could be sent home with no baby after the longest and most exhausting day of my life is not an option that I was ever aware of. The fact that all of our families could come here, missing work, driving hours, getting hotel rooms, and could be sent back home with no baby in sight was never a possibility that I knew was out there. Of course now I feel guilty for trying to rush our sweet baby out of the womb 5 days early, but it was offered with such earnest that I never knew we could possibly be sitting here as a family of 2 still cooking this little boy today.
But here's what I have learned. It was a lesson. A lesson to teach us that we really are ready for our baby boy. I was crying on the way to the hospital the night of induction because I just didn't think we were ready. I was scared of having a newborn at home, and I was worried about how Josh and I would handle it. Now, I know we can do it, and I am really ready. It was a lesson to teach us that you can't plan everything. All my plans and schedules are out the window now. If the baby stays up all night and sleeps all day, so what? I will too! I'm not going to freak out if he doesn't want to nurse exactly every 2 hours. And I know now that once he comes everything won't go exactly as planned. I wanted a delivery as perfect as my pregnancy. I wanted my OB there, my anesthesiologist, my nurse friends, my family, my schedule. Yesterday was God with a pretty big reminder that He's in control of all that, not me. The biggest lesson He is teaching me right now is one of patience. My maternity leave started yesterday. I don't have that much, and I wanted to work until the bitter end so I could spend every second of what I have home with my baby. It's about to kill me to know I'm at home "wasting" it now, but this is another one of those lessons I have to take in stride. We have a great sitter for when I go back to work. My baby will be ok there. I have to trust that this will all work out and be grateful for the time that I can afford to take off work.
So now we wait. And this is waiting like we have never waited before. We know what real contractions are like now, so we wait to feel a familiar twinge. We will be fielding calls about "no not yet" until he actually comes. And the day he comes we will just hope our families are able to make the journey back to see him. Today the tears have stopped. Yesterday was next to hysteria when I figured out I was going home pregnant. I felt like I had let everyone down including myself. I wasn't entirely happy with the information we had been given involving an elective induction, and I was so upset about starting maternity leave for nothing. Today though is the day I realized that God is really in control. We have to trust Him and His plan..not mine.
Today I will continue my watched pot status. Tomorrow I will cook, clean, and do a little pre-studying so that once this baby comes I will have even less things to worry about! I will trust completely in God's plan and try very hard to put all of my wishes, concerns, and overwhelming excitement on the back burner to allow God's plan to come into the forefront.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
I am a watched pot
Well this is it! After a long nine months we are officially in the home stretch of Baby Tyson's arrival! I say it has been a long nine months, but I can't decide if that is actually true. I remember the day we found out I was pregnant...it was night actually. We had just gotten in from doing Christmas with our families in Mississippi...we had to celebrate early since I was on call for the actual holiday. I knew something was up before we left, but I refused to take a pregnancy test right then. I had just found out I had been accepted into grad school two days before...I wasn't sure if I could handle all the newness at once. As soon as we walked in the door at home I tested. And I tested, and I tested, and I tested. I have never felt so many emotions at once, and I will never forget the look on Josh's face...excited doesn't even begin to cover it!
As excited and grateful as I was that first week especially, I was still so so scared. Man, was I bending God's ear that week! I think I prayed relentlessly every day on my way to work, crying most days. They weren't tears of unhappiness by any means, but I was just so afraid of how and why it was all working out the way it did. It scared me to think of being in school full time, working full time, and raising a baby. Eventually God calmed me down though. Of course I always trusted that He will never give us more than we can handle, but sometimes it's still scary. Now we are beyond excited and cannot wait for this baby boy to get here.
Thinking back to Christmas morning when we told our parents and families about our new little bundle seems like light years ago. I called my family and told them all about one more Christmas present that wouldn't be ready for another eight months or so. Josh's mom came to us and his dad lives in town, so we were able to give his family gifts to tell them in person. It was all so fun and made everything seem so much more real!
Other than thinking about how long ago it has been since we spread our news, this pregnancy seems to have flown past us. I think a big part of that is because we were so busy over the past six months with school. We couldn't really allow ourselves to focus on the nursery or anything until summer because we had so much going on with our school work. We did little projects here and there when we had spare time, but for the most part we weren't really able to get busy getting everything ready for Ty's arrival until May.
That's how we have spent our summer...getting everything ready for baby! It took us until about a week or so ago to finish it all, but finally it is all done! The nursery looks fabulous! Kay Kay has been a big part of this because she has made curtains, pillows, bedding for a bassinet, a door hanger, anything we needed that we couldn't find in the store! Too bad I didn't get more of her craftiness!!
Josh has not only spent the summer helping me get everything ready for Tyson, but he has also been working full time and taking beyond a full load of online summer classes. He has gotten tons accomplished in the last two months. I am proud to say that he officially finished summer school last night by taking his last exam and turning in the last couple speeches he still had out! It has been a tough road, but we made it through!!
Now, on to this pregnancy...I have been beyond lucky. No morning sickness really to speak of. The first week I was a little queasy, but it was completely manageable. My biggest complaint has probably been the pregnancy-related carpal tunnel syndrome, and if that is all I have to complain about then I really can't complain! It wasn't until about last week that I really started to feel "pregnant". Exhausted is not the word for it. Whatever the state is past exhaustion might cover it. Some days are better than others. Some days, though, I wake up in the morning almost too tired to function. Backaches have become an every day thing. I have these big plans every day to come home and clean the house, or change all the sheets, or do something really productive...usually though it never quite happens. It's ok though..being tired is part of being pregnant! Luckily we made it to week 37 before it really got too bad, and still it is nothing that we can't work through. We just rest and nap when we have to and know that the housework will wait.
Baby classes have been the highlight of these past few weeks. Josh and I have gone together to every one. I really am lucky, and Tyson is lucky to have such a great Daddy...Josh hasn't missed a doctor's appointment or baby class or anything baby related. He is going to be such an amazing dad! I do think Josh enjoys the baby classes. Every time I glance his way I see his hand up. There is always something that he "just has to know". I tried to talk him into asking me first before he asks them out loud, but really it is fun to see him get so excited. And he's right, most of the stuff he is asking other people want to know too!
We made our last trip as a family of two to the hunting camp this past weekend. It was nice to get away and unwind, but I was kind of worried about having a baby in Mississippi. Josh, on the other hand, was kind of hoping for it I think...he had his eyes on a lifetime hunting license for Ty before he was even out of the womb good! Men! Thankfully we made it back home without any scares!
We had our second weekly check up today with the doctor. It went really well! Dilated one centimeter, 70% effaced! He thinks we will have a pretty big baby...probably high #7, low #8 so far! Ahh! He says we can talk about an induction at 39 weeks! Exciting to think that that is only a week and a half away! We don't mind letting Tyson cook for a little longer so that he is good and strong when he does make his grand appearance, but we don't want him to go past his due date because we will need a little time to acclimate before school starts back up. So we will just play it by ear and see where we are and how this little boy is faring in a couple weeks. No need to evict him just yet if he's not quite ready to come out!
As excited as I am to see our sweet baby boy and also to hopefully get my energy back (because it will come back right...like as soon as he comes out?!), there is so much I will miss about pregnancy. It has been fun just dreaming about him and thinking about who he will look like and what he will become. I love feeling his kicks and bumps. He just stopped hiccuping a few minutes ago, and as I type this, Josh is loving feeling him moving all around in there. I have thought of myself as two people for so long now, it will be weird to go back to being a single entity. It will also be sad when I have to stop blaming the baby on my need for ice cream and my mid-night snacks!
It's funny how many emotions and mind-sets you can go through in a period of nine months. About a month ago I was completely freaked out by the prospect of the baby. It was just all of the sudden one day I was hysterical..I honestly didn't know if I could do it. I wanted him so badly, but at the same time I was afraid of all the changes he would bring and I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to adapt. I know that it was God who stepped in once again and became that calm that I needed. Hopefully that's a normal emotion that every soon to be mother has to face. Now, I am calm, ready, excited for this bundle of joy to be here! I cannot wait to see him, and I am even looking forward to the late nights we will be spending together feeding, rocking, and bonding. I cannot wait to watch Josh interact with Ty and watch as their bond forms and grows. I still worry about every little thing, and for some reason I think that it will get better once he is here and I know that he is healthy and safe. In the back of my mind though I know that this is just the beginning of motherhood...that worry is going to be something that never goes away because no matter what I will always want to know if he is safe and ok.
But for now I just feel like that watched pot. You know, that one that never boils...
It's ok though, Ty. Take your time getting here ( just don't take more than a couple more weeks or so)!! We can't wait to meet you!!
As excited and grateful as I was that first week especially, I was still so so scared. Man, was I bending God's ear that week! I think I prayed relentlessly every day on my way to work, crying most days. They weren't tears of unhappiness by any means, but I was just so afraid of how and why it was all working out the way it did. It scared me to think of being in school full time, working full time, and raising a baby. Eventually God calmed me down though. Of course I always trusted that He will never give us more than we can handle, but sometimes it's still scary. Now we are beyond excited and cannot wait for this baby boy to get here.
Thinking back to Christmas morning when we told our parents and families about our new little bundle seems like light years ago. I called my family and told them all about one more Christmas present that wouldn't be ready for another eight months or so. Josh's mom came to us and his dad lives in town, so we were able to give his family gifts to tell them in person. It was all so fun and made everything seem so much more real!
Other than thinking about how long ago it has been since we spread our news, this pregnancy seems to have flown past us. I think a big part of that is because we were so busy over the past six months with school. We couldn't really allow ourselves to focus on the nursery or anything until summer because we had so much going on with our school work. We did little projects here and there when we had spare time, but for the most part we weren't really able to get busy getting everything ready for Ty's arrival until May.
That's how we have spent our summer...getting everything ready for baby! It took us until about a week or so ago to finish it all, but finally it is all done! The nursery looks fabulous! Kay Kay has been a big part of this because she has made curtains, pillows, bedding for a bassinet, a door hanger, anything we needed that we couldn't find in the store! Too bad I didn't get more of her craftiness!!
Josh has not only spent the summer helping me get everything ready for Tyson, but he has also been working full time and taking beyond a full load of online summer classes. He has gotten tons accomplished in the last two months. I am proud to say that he officially finished summer school last night by taking his last exam and turning in the last couple speeches he still had out! It has been a tough road, but we made it through!!
Now, on to this pregnancy...I have been beyond lucky. No morning sickness really to speak of. The first week I was a little queasy, but it was completely manageable. My biggest complaint has probably been the pregnancy-related carpal tunnel syndrome, and if that is all I have to complain about then I really can't complain! It wasn't until about last week that I really started to feel "pregnant". Exhausted is not the word for it. Whatever the state is past exhaustion might cover it. Some days are better than others. Some days, though, I wake up in the morning almost too tired to function. Backaches have become an every day thing. I have these big plans every day to come home and clean the house, or change all the sheets, or do something really productive...usually though it never quite happens. It's ok though..being tired is part of being pregnant! Luckily we made it to week 37 before it really got too bad, and still it is nothing that we can't work through. We just rest and nap when we have to and know that the housework will wait.
Baby classes have been the highlight of these past few weeks. Josh and I have gone together to every one. I really am lucky, and Tyson is lucky to have such a great Daddy...Josh hasn't missed a doctor's appointment or baby class or anything baby related. He is going to be such an amazing dad! I do think Josh enjoys the baby classes. Every time I glance his way I see his hand up. There is always something that he "just has to know". I tried to talk him into asking me first before he asks them out loud, but really it is fun to see him get so excited. And he's right, most of the stuff he is asking other people want to know too!
We made our last trip as a family of two to the hunting camp this past weekend. It was nice to get away and unwind, but I was kind of worried about having a baby in Mississippi. Josh, on the other hand, was kind of hoping for it I think...he had his eyes on a lifetime hunting license for Ty before he was even out of the womb good! Men! Thankfully we made it back home without any scares!
We had our second weekly check up today with the doctor. It went really well! Dilated one centimeter, 70% effaced! He thinks we will have a pretty big baby...probably high #7, low #8 so far! Ahh! He says we can talk about an induction at 39 weeks! Exciting to think that that is only a week and a half away! We don't mind letting Tyson cook for a little longer so that he is good and strong when he does make his grand appearance, but we don't want him to go past his due date because we will need a little time to acclimate before school starts back up. So we will just play it by ear and see where we are and how this little boy is faring in a couple weeks. No need to evict him just yet if he's not quite ready to come out!
As excited as I am to see our sweet baby boy and also to hopefully get my energy back (because it will come back right...like as soon as he comes out?!), there is so much I will miss about pregnancy. It has been fun just dreaming about him and thinking about who he will look like and what he will become. I love feeling his kicks and bumps. He just stopped hiccuping a few minutes ago, and as I type this, Josh is loving feeling him moving all around in there. I have thought of myself as two people for so long now, it will be weird to go back to being a single entity. It will also be sad when I have to stop blaming the baby on my need for ice cream and my mid-night snacks!
It's funny how many emotions and mind-sets you can go through in a period of nine months. About a month ago I was completely freaked out by the prospect of the baby. It was just all of the sudden one day I was hysterical..I honestly didn't know if I could do it. I wanted him so badly, but at the same time I was afraid of all the changes he would bring and I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to adapt. I know that it was God who stepped in once again and became that calm that I needed. Hopefully that's a normal emotion that every soon to be mother has to face. Now, I am calm, ready, excited for this bundle of joy to be here! I cannot wait to see him, and I am even looking forward to the late nights we will be spending together feeding, rocking, and bonding. I cannot wait to watch Josh interact with Ty and watch as their bond forms and grows. I still worry about every little thing, and for some reason I think that it will get better once he is here and I know that he is healthy and safe. In the back of my mind though I know that this is just the beginning of motherhood...that worry is going to be something that never goes away because no matter what I will always want to know if he is safe and ok.
But for now I just feel like that watched pot. You know, that one that never boils...
It's ok though, Ty. Take your time getting here ( just don't take more than a couple more weeks or so)!! We can't wait to meet you!!
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
A letter to my baby boy
Dear Tyson,
I've begun to realize that life will always be crazy and hectic. I will say these things to you a thousand times over a million different ways I am sure. I don't really expect you to hear me the first few times I say them. I don't expect these words to carry big meaning early on. It will only be after you have gained true life experience that you will listen to what I have to say...listen to the very things that would have made those experiences easier for you in the first place. Life isn't always about easy though, and I know you have to learn and explore and figure things out for yourself. Then, once you think you have figured it all out, you will hear what I have been saying all along and hopefully combine a little bit of my words with what you have already learned. That's how life goes. It's my job and your daddy's job to say these things to you over and over so that one day, when you really need them, they will be there with you. These are not all the life lessons I need to teach you, but as you are my little two pound, wiggle worm, womb occupier these are what come to mind. I do reserve the right to add to them at any day or time...even when you are grown, married, and have babies of your own. Because even then, I'll still be your mama.
I'm going to go ahead and tell you right now that your daddy and I have discussed this and discussed this, and I know this will be the hardest thing for me to accept. You daddy and I agreed that we can't keep you in a bubble. We have to let you out, let you experience things. When you are just a baby it will be so hard for me not to worry about every little hiccup that you may have. You are my first baby. I don't know what to expect, and I want to do my best to keep you safe. As you get older I know I will have to let you be a boy. I'll have to let you go out on the four-wheeler by yourself or go play football with your friends if that's what you want to do. I will worry every time you leave my sight. This will be where my faith in God will play a huge part. I will have to trust solely in Him to guide and protect you during the times that I can't...and even during the times that I think I can. I have to trust that your daddy and I will have taught you everything you need to know to keep you as safe and protected as possible. But I want you to know now that every time I let you go somewhere, whether you are still an infant going to the sitter, my four year old big boy riding the four-wheeler, my middle schooler playing football, my high schooler going out with his friends, or my thirty year old making decisions with your wife for your own kids, every time you aren't with me I'll worry. But I'll think about that bubble and know that I can't keep you right next to me at all times just to make sure your bubble stays intact. Just know that I want to though.
Always put God first. Your daddy and I hope to raise you in an environment where it is evident to you that we serve an amazing God. We want you to understand and believe in everything that sometimes is hard to define. We want to make you see how lucky we are and how lucky you are to be saved by such an amazing Father. There are so many things in life that I can't explain. All of those things point back to God. Everyone of us has to develop our own personal relationship with God through the years. It is my hope to you that you are able to cement yourself in your beliefs so that whenever you have troubles you always know you can turn to Him. I hope to one day be able to explain this to you better; it truly is a hard concept. Just know that God has a plan for all of us. As long as you believe in Him and believe in His word then you will be ok...even if some days it doesn't feel like you will be.
Be nice to everybody, no matter what. You never know what battle people are going through. In life you will encounter people who will be ugly to you for no apparent reason. Just know that the reason for their ugliness probably has nothing to do with you. The problem is within themselves; they will sort it out eventually. We by no means want you to be a doormat who lets everyone walk over them. We want you to stand up for yourself and for your beliefs. Just keep in mind that some people have been dealt a rough hand in life, and they may have trouble dealing with it. Just remember what your daddy always says, "God don't like ugly".
Whatever you decide to do, do it well. I mean this at every stage in your life. If you decide you want to play T-ball then get out there and put your little heart into the game and have fun with your friends. In middle school, if you decide to join an organized sports team through your school, then practice hard and leave it all out on the field. Apply yourself to your schoolwork and do everything you can to succeed there. When it comes time to pick a career, pick what you love. Find something that really speaks to you...something that you can excel in. If you love what you do then you will never have to "work" a day in your life. No matter what you decide to be or what you decide to do at any point in your life, your daddy and I will always support you. We will always be proud of you. All we want from you is to be the best Tyson Dugas that you can be.
If you have to question whether or not something is right, then it probably isn't. We want you to always do the right thing, but we always know that sometimes that can be extremely hard and sometimes there may be gray areas as to what is right and what is wrong. You can always come to us. We will always guide you without judgement. But if you have to question a decision or an action then there is a great probability that it isn't the right thing to do. Everything in life has consequences. Think about that long and hard before you make your choice.
Technology may be the greatest invention in this time. It has allowed us to increase our knowledge base exponentially and at a very rapid rate. I hope for you that technology continues to improve and evolve as you grow older. Don't invest in it all the way though. Don't forget to get outside and let the sunshine hit your face. Don't forget what an amazing blessing an old country road can be. Who knows what type of social media will be in place by the time you are old enough to really get involved, but don't let Facebook (the day you have to Google what that means I will really know that I am old) rule your life. For the most part, people only broadcast the good parts of their life...and a lot of that even is fabricated. Social media gives you constant access to what other people want you to see as "their life". Don't buy into that. Don't get down on yourself by comparing yourself to what others seem to have. Embrace you, celebrate you, and know that God has a plan for you. Count your blessings in being fortunate enough to grow up in an age of advanced technology. Respect what is out there and take advantage of all of it's benefits. Just don't let technology end up defining you.
I'm not going to tell you not to get a tattoo...even though I want to tell you not to get a tattoo. I will tell you this: think ahead IF you ever do decide to do something like that. I'm sure that tribal symbol looks really cool right now, but will it always? Ask your daddy how he feels about his. I will be perfectly honest with you and tell you that I see tattoos as a very acceptable form of self-expression. I have seen some truly beautiful tattoos with amazing meanings. Those tattoos are really works of art because the message behind them are seated so deeply with the person on which it is tattooed. One day you may feel extremely passionate about something and want to make it a permanent part of your body...we won't fault you for that. Your daddy and I will probably respect your decision. I will say though to be mindful where you place even the most tasteful of tattoos. You may come to a time in your life where you wished you could hide that tattoo just for a little while by your shirt or some other piece of clothing. Even a tattoo that means the world to you may not have a place in the work place, out on a job interview, or even hanging out with new people. It's ok to have some things that only a few people know about. Sometimes a tattoo is one of those things. Just keep it tasteful (and off your body all together if I have any say in the matter).
When the time comes, your daddy and I won't force you to go to college. I want you to know that it is very important to us though. We want to see you go beyond high school to achieve all of your dreams. That being said, dreams can be made and achieved and people can be well established outside of the establishments of higher education. Your daddy has always been one of the smartest men I have known well before he went to college. Going to college just proves that he is determined and dedicated to better his family. He is going back to school now for me and for you. I can promise you that going back to college at this stage in his life after he has been working for years is one of the hardest things he has ever done. Make it easier on yourself. Enjoy your time away from the real world. Have a college experience. Grow there, learn there. We will be proud of you no matter what, but always know that we know you have college in you.
You don't ever have to look far to find your role model. You are a very lucky little boy who has been blessed with an amazing daddy. You have been made by God and given to us. By that same token, God gave us to you. Your daddy is one of the most special men I know. He is the most loving, hard-working, God-fearing, determined, strongest man. You are lucky to grow up with him teaching you how to get through life. He still has to teach me things on a daily basis. You should have seen his face the night I told him about you. I think he knew by the undertone of fear that was in my voice as I called his name from the bathroom. He couldn't believe the first test; he had to go out and buy five more. Every day he wants to touch, wants to talk to you, wants to feel you move under his hand. He has big dreams for you and him throughout the years. We got to see you on the 4D ultrasound the other day; you look just like him. He is so proud of you already. He is just so happy to be your daddy. And I am so happy that we can call him ours. I can't wait to see all the things he teaches you. I know you will be a great man one day because you have the greatest man leading the way for you.
Your daddy and I feel lucky to be your parents. The same week I found out I was pregnant with you, I also found out I was accepted into graduate school. I wasn't sure what God's plan was for the three of us. I wasn't sure that we would be able to make it with your daddy and me both in school and you on the way. We are still a few weeks away from you being here, but we feel like God has shown us that we will be able to make it just fine. In fact, once you get here our lives are going to be better than we can even imagine. Some days may get tough. I am sure there will be a night or two where you feel like staying up all night crying. I will stay up all night with you those nights too...probably crying with you. Then, once you finally go to sleep, I'll go back to studying or writing papers or getting ready for work. Your daddy and I are ready for that challenge though. There are a lot of unknowns for us...just like there are for every new Mommy and Daddy. We know that together the three of us will get through it though with help and guidance from God. We can't wait to see what all life has in store for us all. For right now we just feel blessed to have each other and to have you on the way to join our little family. Always know that you are living proof that dreams do come true. We can't wait to meet you, Baby Tyson. We both love you with all of our hearts. Keep growing strong, and we will see you in a few short weeks.
Love,
Mommy
I've begun to realize that life will always be crazy and hectic. I will say these things to you a thousand times over a million different ways I am sure. I don't really expect you to hear me the first few times I say them. I don't expect these words to carry big meaning early on. It will only be after you have gained true life experience that you will listen to what I have to say...listen to the very things that would have made those experiences easier for you in the first place. Life isn't always about easy though, and I know you have to learn and explore and figure things out for yourself. Then, once you think you have figured it all out, you will hear what I have been saying all along and hopefully combine a little bit of my words with what you have already learned. That's how life goes. It's my job and your daddy's job to say these things to you over and over so that one day, when you really need them, they will be there with you. These are not all the life lessons I need to teach you, but as you are my little two pound, wiggle worm, womb occupier these are what come to mind. I do reserve the right to add to them at any day or time...even when you are grown, married, and have babies of your own. Because even then, I'll still be your mama.
I'm going to go ahead and tell you right now that your daddy and I have discussed this and discussed this, and I know this will be the hardest thing for me to accept. You daddy and I agreed that we can't keep you in a bubble. We have to let you out, let you experience things. When you are just a baby it will be so hard for me not to worry about every little hiccup that you may have. You are my first baby. I don't know what to expect, and I want to do my best to keep you safe. As you get older I know I will have to let you be a boy. I'll have to let you go out on the four-wheeler by yourself or go play football with your friends if that's what you want to do. I will worry every time you leave my sight. This will be where my faith in God will play a huge part. I will have to trust solely in Him to guide and protect you during the times that I can't...and even during the times that I think I can. I have to trust that your daddy and I will have taught you everything you need to know to keep you as safe and protected as possible. But I want you to know now that every time I let you go somewhere, whether you are still an infant going to the sitter, my four year old big boy riding the four-wheeler, my middle schooler playing football, my high schooler going out with his friends, or my thirty year old making decisions with your wife for your own kids, every time you aren't with me I'll worry. But I'll think about that bubble and know that I can't keep you right next to me at all times just to make sure your bubble stays intact. Just know that I want to though.
Always put God first. Your daddy and I hope to raise you in an environment where it is evident to you that we serve an amazing God. We want you to understand and believe in everything that sometimes is hard to define. We want to make you see how lucky we are and how lucky you are to be saved by such an amazing Father. There are so many things in life that I can't explain. All of those things point back to God. Everyone of us has to develop our own personal relationship with God through the years. It is my hope to you that you are able to cement yourself in your beliefs so that whenever you have troubles you always know you can turn to Him. I hope to one day be able to explain this to you better; it truly is a hard concept. Just know that God has a plan for all of us. As long as you believe in Him and believe in His word then you will be ok...even if some days it doesn't feel like you will be.
Be nice to everybody, no matter what. You never know what battle people are going through. In life you will encounter people who will be ugly to you for no apparent reason. Just know that the reason for their ugliness probably has nothing to do with you. The problem is within themselves; they will sort it out eventually. We by no means want you to be a doormat who lets everyone walk over them. We want you to stand up for yourself and for your beliefs. Just keep in mind that some people have been dealt a rough hand in life, and they may have trouble dealing with it. Just remember what your daddy always says, "God don't like ugly".
Whatever you decide to do, do it well. I mean this at every stage in your life. If you decide you want to play T-ball then get out there and put your little heart into the game and have fun with your friends. In middle school, if you decide to join an organized sports team through your school, then practice hard and leave it all out on the field. Apply yourself to your schoolwork and do everything you can to succeed there. When it comes time to pick a career, pick what you love. Find something that really speaks to you...something that you can excel in. If you love what you do then you will never have to "work" a day in your life. No matter what you decide to be or what you decide to do at any point in your life, your daddy and I will always support you. We will always be proud of you. All we want from you is to be the best Tyson Dugas that you can be.
If you have to question whether or not something is right, then it probably isn't. We want you to always do the right thing, but we always know that sometimes that can be extremely hard and sometimes there may be gray areas as to what is right and what is wrong. You can always come to us. We will always guide you without judgement. But if you have to question a decision or an action then there is a great probability that it isn't the right thing to do. Everything in life has consequences. Think about that long and hard before you make your choice.
Technology may be the greatest invention in this time. It has allowed us to increase our knowledge base exponentially and at a very rapid rate. I hope for you that technology continues to improve and evolve as you grow older. Don't invest in it all the way though. Don't forget to get outside and let the sunshine hit your face. Don't forget what an amazing blessing an old country road can be. Who knows what type of social media will be in place by the time you are old enough to really get involved, but don't let Facebook (the day you have to Google what that means I will really know that I am old) rule your life. For the most part, people only broadcast the good parts of their life...and a lot of that even is fabricated. Social media gives you constant access to what other people want you to see as "their life". Don't buy into that. Don't get down on yourself by comparing yourself to what others seem to have. Embrace you, celebrate you, and know that God has a plan for you. Count your blessings in being fortunate enough to grow up in an age of advanced technology. Respect what is out there and take advantage of all of it's benefits. Just don't let technology end up defining you.
I'm not going to tell you not to get a tattoo...even though I want to tell you not to get a tattoo. I will tell you this: think ahead IF you ever do decide to do something like that. I'm sure that tribal symbol looks really cool right now, but will it always? Ask your daddy how he feels about his. I will be perfectly honest with you and tell you that I see tattoos as a very acceptable form of self-expression. I have seen some truly beautiful tattoos with amazing meanings. Those tattoos are really works of art because the message behind them are seated so deeply with the person on which it is tattooed. One day you may feel extremely passionate about something and want to make it a permanent part of your body...we won't fault you for that. Your daddy and I will probably respect your decision. I will say though to be mindful where you place even the most tasteful of tattoos. You may come to a time in your life where you wished you could hide that tattoo just for a little while by your shirt or some other piece of clothing. Even a tattoo that means the world to you may not have a place in the work place, out on a job interview, or even hanging out with new people. It's ok to have some things that only a few people know about. Sometimes a tattoo is one of those things. Just keep it tasteful (and off your body all together if I have any say in the matter).
When the time comes, your daddy and I won't force you to go to college. I want you to know that it is very important to us though. We want to see you go beyond high school to achieve all of your dreams. That being said, dreams can be made and achieved and people can be well established outside of the establishments of higher education. Your daddy has always been one of the smartest men I have known well before he went to college. Going to college just proves that he is determined and dedicated to better his family. He is going back to school now for me and for you. I can promise you that going back to college at this stage in his life after he has been working for years is one of the hardest things he has ever done. Make it easier on yourself. Enjoy your time away from the real world. Have a college experience. Grow there, learn there. We will be proud of you no matter what, but always know that we know you have college in you.
You don't ever have to look far to find your role model. You are a very lucky little boy who has been blessed with an amazing daddy. You have been made by God and given to us. By that same token, God gave us to you. Your daddy is one of the most special men I know. He is the most loving, hard-working, God-fearing, determined, strongest man. You are lucky to grow up with him teaching you how to get through life. He still has to teach me things on a daily basis. You should have seen his face the night I told him about you. I think he knew by the undertone of fear that was in my voice as I called his name from the bathroom. He couldn't believe the first test; he had to go out and buy five more. Every day he wants to touch, wants to talk to you, wants to feel you move under his hand. He has big dreams for you and him throughout the years. We got to see you on the 4D ultrasound the other day; you look just like him. He is so proud of you already. He is just so happy to be your daddy. And I am so happy that we can call him ours. I can't wait to see all the things he teaches you. I know you will be a great man one day because you have the greatest man leading the way for you.
Your daddy and I feel lucky to be your parents. The same week I found out I was pregnant with you, I also found out I was accepted into graduate school. I wasn't sure what God's plan was for the three of us. I wasn't sure that we would be able to make it with your daddy and me both in school and you on the way. We are still a few weeks away from you being here, but we feel like God has shown us that we will be able to make it just fine. In fact, once you get here our lives are going to be better than we can even imagine. Some days may get tough. I am sure there will be a night or two where you feel like staying up all night crying. I will stay up all night with you those nights too...probably crying with you. Then, once you finally go to sleep, I'll go back to studying or writing papers or getting ready for work. Your daddy and I are ready for that challenge though. There are a lot of unknowns for us...just like there are for every new Mommy and Daddy. We know that together the three of us will get through it though with help and guidance from God. We can't wait to see what all life has in store for us all. For right now we just feel blessed to have each other and to have you on the way to join our little family. Always know that you are living proof that dreams do come true. We can't wait to meet you, Baby Tyson. We both love you with all of our hearts. Keep growing strong, and we will see you in a few short weeks.
Love,
Mommy
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